Tuesday 25th September

Tuesday 25^th September

I feel so much better today, like a black cloud has been lifted. I had an early morning dog walk, the sun was shining and I had no reason to feel miserable. So, that ‘talking to’ I gave myself and the subsequent Zumba class has lifted my spirits. 

I did still need my rest after lunch, but coffee with two friends Pdlh and Adf was nice end to the afternoon (plus all the ‘goodies’ I received- thank you ladies)!! 

“People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.”
― Mother Teresa

Monday 24th September

Monday 24th September

So, its gale force winds and raining and I decided to take the dog for a walk in the woods! I didn’t hang about after the third stick/branch fell close by me!

I drove into town for another blood test, and met up with SW at the hospital. You would think that having injections would get easier, but it doesn’t, well not for me.

Red blood count dropped again to 8.5, (almost back to pre-transfusion) I am Neutropenic again at .4 (so keep taking the antibiotics, and watch out for any sudden high temperatures etc.). The ‘good’ news is my clotting platelets have risen slightly to 27. 

We spent an hour in town, shopping a bit and chatting before I came back for lunch and dog. Arriving home I was met by a collapsed puppy lying by the aga, upon enquiry I was informed proudly by son no2 that she had been for a ‘lovely walk in the woods!!!’ He had misread my note explaining I had taken her, not take her!!!!!

I am feeling a bit in the doldrums…….. Thought I would look that up- very interesting.....

The doldrums is a colloquial expression derived from historical maritime usage for those parts of the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean affected by the Intertropical Convergence Zone, a low-pressure area around the equator where the prevailing winds are calm. The low pressure is caused by the heat at the equator, which makes the air rise and travel north and south high in the atmosphere, until it subsides again in the horse latitudes. Some of that air returns to the doldrums through the trade winds. This process can lead to light or variable winds and more severe weather, in the form of squalls, thunderstorms and hurricanes. The doldrums are also noted for calm periods when the winds disappear altogether, trapping sail-powered boats for periods of days or weeks.

When the winds are gone the sea actually has no swells, on a clear day the color of the sky is reflected in the water. At night the same effect, with no clouds or moon, gives one the effect of floating in space.^{[citation needed]}

The term appears to have arisen in the 18th century (when cross-Equator sailing voyages became more common). It is derived from dold (an archaic term meaning "stupid") and -rum(s), a noun suffix found in such words as "tantrum".^[1]

Doldrums in literature

The Pacific doldrums were famously described in Samuel Taylor Coleridge's Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner in the following stanzas:

All in a hot and copper sky,
The bloody Sun, at noon,
Right up above the mast did stand,
No bigger than the Moon.

Day after day, day after day,
We stuck, nor breath nor motion;
As idle as a painted ship
Upon a painted ocean.

The doldrums gave rise to a place called The Doldrums in the Phantom Tollbooth inhabited by the Lethargarians who do nothing all day, a place where "nothing ever happens and nothing ever changes" 

I’ve got another blood test on Thursday morning; meanwhile I must rest and look after myself!

When son no1 heard of the outcome of today’s blood test and the very strong possibility that I wouldn’t have any more chemo (Dr H is conferring with the Marsden). He rushed off and presented me with a gift of some beautiful Estee lauder skin care creams. He said he thought I’d be feeling rubbish!! (Bless him –more tears!)

Health is the greatest gift, contentment the greatest wealth, faithfulness the best relationship.
Buddha

Sunday23rd September

Sunday 23^rd September

I have this sad feeling that I could be losing what little hair I have managed to grow over the last few months. I realise it’s not the end of the world but disappointed all the same, anyway we’ll just have to see how it goes. (No pun intended!)

I walked the dog around Queens valley this morning, and I was particularly glad I took the extension lead as taking a ‘gun dog’ to a place that is full of wild fowl maybe was not such a good idea!

Both hubby and I went to Chapel for the morning service and met up with lots of friends for coffee afterwards. 

I’m still not firing on all cylinders and ‘rested’ again after lunch before a short cliff path walk (result…very wet and muddy dog!)

I have got another blood test at the hospital tomorrow morning (just for change!), but this is to check that bloods are picking up again – otherwise yet another transfusion may be on the cards.

I have not done any ‘exercise’ since last Tuesday that I think coupled with strong antibiotics plus the ulcer depressants are not helping my state of mind.

I think I need a pickup, some serious retail therapy perhaps…..!!!!

“The ultimate measure of a person is not where they stand in moments of comfort and convenience, but where they stand in times of challenge and controversy.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

Saturday 22nd September

Saturday 22^nd September

Hubby and I had a lovely walk down to St Catherine’s this morning- although I was the one that needed a hand up Le Pont on the way back (hubby was contemplating hooking me up to the dog lead and getting Jessie to pull!)

We drove to Gorey at lunch time so we could sign up for the Jersey Hospice Walk next Sunday- it’s only 6miles, Gorey to St Catherine’s and back- and lunch at the Dolphin afterwards. 

I was ready to have a rest in the afternoon and read the papers, and as most of the family was out this evening only son no 2 and I for supper- a quiet evening. (Having said that I did go to Waitrose to shop for the ‘bargains’ and see my daughter!!)

“A person who never made a mistake never tried anything new.”

 
Albert Einstein

Friday 21st September

Friday 21^st September

It was another beautiful morning as I took Jessie around le Saie, I didn’t have to be in hospital before 10.30am so wanted to make the most of it.

I duly arrived in the Oncology unit, and was greeted by Nurse HD, who once again set me up with a cannula and took some bloods. (First attempt on left hand wasn’t successful, so went for right hand- definitely no looking whatsoever!) 

I didn’t feel brilliant, sort of resigned, and considering I had the blood transfusion 9 days ago I still felt lethargic. Anyhow I had the saline drip in readiness, and then my blood results came back…. I could tell by the tone of voice from Nurse FR that the news was not good.

 Norfolk meets Suffolk!!

My haemoglobin is only 9.0 and has been dropping all week, my white cells soared up to 7.8 and my neutrophil count also up to 6.5 (both due to the GCSF injections), but to the detriment of my clotting platelets which have dipped to 19.

We all knew immediately that any Chemo in the foreseeable future would not be on the agenda, and actually the priority (as was kindly and patiently explained to me) is one of keeping me well. 

Metaphorically speaking I am putting my life jacket on, battening down the hatches and riding out this storm! I DO NOT want to end up in hospital this weekend with any kind of bleeding, bruising or high temperature!!

I took special delivery of a meal fit for a king late this afternoon (well, 10 kings actually!) plus mashed potatoes and veg all ready to go- I just had to put it in the oven. HUGE thanks to AH from St John- enough for tomorrow night too!

"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight."
-Benjamin Franklin