Tuesday 29th July

Fifty three years ago my six year old brother and four year old sister were getting excited, not about my birth, but the fact they were getting BUNK BEDS....... and not a lot has changed......

I have been sooooo spoilt!

1 pair of beautiful gold and diamond heart earrings
1 homemade towelling robe
1 bottle of sparkling wine
1 helium balloon
1 pair of socks
1 beach bag
1 mug
2 towels
2 candles
2 scarves
2 spa vouchers
2 bouquet of flowers
2 Jugs (why is that funny?.....stop laughing)
2 pot plants
2 cheques
3 bottles of 'smellies'
5 sunflowers
30 birthday cards
loads of good wishes on FB

And I'm sorry if I've forgotten anything as I've had a lovely day and been very spoilt!

I also had..........
1 blood test
1 injection (GCSF)

Unbelievably my white cell count has gone up to 1.49! And on the plus side the doctor said my red blood cell was excellent 13.3 - and had I not been 'banned' I could be a blood donor!!

He also said when asked that it was possible my bone marrow was still sulking from the chemo 18 months ago..... and I could have a lingering infection that I have been unaware of- a possible slight damage to the area of the small intestine/large intestine during the operation could have something 'smouldering' in there...sounds great...

During our conversation re side effects and diet etc, he did ask if there had been any diabetes or thyroid problems,  (my mum had an underactive thyroid) so I'm also being tested for Vitamin B12. Plus I asked for my CA125 to be tested... although dreading that particular result tomorrow.

We enjoyed this afternoon out at St Ouen..... a swim in the East this morning, and the West this afternoon... lovely

Thank you to EVERYONE who sent me birthday wishes/cards/presents etc, I am 'lucky' !!

X

Monday 28th July

Everytime I go to write the blog I ALWAYS have hubby over my shoulder, demanding that he gets a mention, that there is at least one photograph of him, and he likes to make absolutely sure that there are three paragraphs solely about him. So, as I ALWAYS do as I am told...

It was so lovely to be unexpectedly back in the Island after our incredibly hot, stifling, and oppressive trip to the Big City, that we took the dog for a walk down to the beach so I could go for a swim. I took along Steve's trunks, just in case he fancied a dip, as I knew that the length of his dog walks and my dog walks vary considerably , and by the time we reached the bay he would be hot, bothered and a little grumpy ( so whats new?). Anyway, the sea was gorgeous and Jess loved digging in the sand and chasing shadows (as is her want). Steve paddled..... and then as I was swimming I saw him go back up the beach and change into trunks but kept his t-shirt on, fair enough. As I got out he said it was far too cold to swim and he was just going to carry on paddling but his shorts were getting splashed thats why he had changed.

Sadly, I had my back to the sea as I was getting myself changed, otherwise I would have seen the majestic fall from the slippery rock into the briny drink...but I did hear the "whhhoooooaaaaaa" as he went under. Startled I turned around to see his head bobbing up, still with the sunglasses on.... and then I'm sorry to say instead of offering the correct amount of concern and sympathy, I fell about laughing for a good five minutes.....as any normal person would have done.

He carried on swimming for ten minutes pretending he had meant to go in with his shirt on, and said that actually it was really quite warm after all......

Most of the weekend he has been out in the garden because "Somebody's got to do it" ( thats a standard phrase that Bex and I use when he's moaning). To be fair, he has been really good, and got loads done, although he is a little 'trigger happy' with the secateurs, if he doesn't like the look of something, snip, that's it gone! Good job he is not a hairdresser....talking about hair, there isn't much of his left, and he could have done with some padding when he cracked the top of his head on the low granite archway that leads into our veg patch. I didn't laugh this time as it was obvious he was in quite a lot of pain, and upon demanding a look, I realised he had cut the top of his head. I did administer first aid on this occasion, (ok, so it was just a wet paper towel but still )

A brief rest from the mornings excursions.....

Just Begin

When you have an overwhelming task at hand , make a decision to do something each day, no matter how small......you will be amazed at what gets accomplished....

Just Begin

Thought that was apt for my two friends who are currently 'out of action' MR and KB- get well soon the pair of you!!

Now the business end of the blog, I'm in hospital tomorrow and Wednesday morning for blood tests and probably an injection of GCSF. I know this is what I was expecting, but it still feels like a punch in the stomach. I guess more details to follow, I'm not going to second guess what the nice Dr of haematology is going to tell me, I'll wait to find out. 

Think I really need to end this posting with a joke.....

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? 

Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.

Ps, Husband NEVER reads the blog, so I'm safe !!

Friday 25th July

Another wedding weekend travel plans messed up- and once again needlessly.... - feeling annoyed.

I feel I should have been a bit more proactive in the build up to this operation. If I had contacted Jersey and asked them to liaise a bit more with the Marsden, or even if they (Marsden) had voiced their concerns about my low white blood cells way back in the beginning of July, i could have saved myself the bother of the whole 'hospital experience' and had bloods taken over here first....  possibly Hindsight is a wonderful thing isn't it?

There is also a saying that my mother was fond of using,"No use crying over spilt milk". This particular one sprung to mind this evening when I inadvertently left the hot tap running in the utility room......for about ten minutes.......with the plug in the sink. Water is still seeping out from under the units as i type two hours later. Thats not all, the dog trotted in this evening from a race around the meadow and proceeded to leave a bloody pattern of pawprints all over the kitchen tiles. She had a cut on the pad of her hind leg and in her usual exuberant puppy style raced around greeting everybody properly whilst trailing a steady stream of bright red liquid....

This was all happening as the in-laws were leaving, I was trying in vain to cook fish for supper and mop up water with old dog towels, Steve was chasing after the dog with bleach spray and cloth, and Becky was running between the two of us offering helpful advice (!)......And then......I had a call from my consultant KG, who was kind enough to give me a little more information.

She had spoken to the Marsden and they have confirmed my surgery date of 21st August (yeah, right!!) I will probably have a CT scan around the 10th August... and she will talk to haematology doctor and work out how they can go about sorting out my low white cell count (she needs info from Marsden first ) Looks likely that I will have to have those injections of GCSF again (granulocyte colony-stimulating factor).

Ive been looking at some old blog posts to see if I can find out how my bloods were behaving, and i've printed off a few pages, I had forgotten but when they sorted out white cells the platelets dropped, and then they sorted out the platelets and the neutrophils plummeted....I just really want to know what it all means and if there is something actually more sinister happening that they're not telling me... now I'm getting paranoid.

Thank you AH for my lovely little book called "Live each day with Gratitude", I love it, and for the next few blogs I will be sharing a saying or two with you.

There are two days in the week that are not important-yesterday and tomorrow. Focus on today.
Let go off the past. Take responsibility for the facts of your life.......Move forward ...
I'm moving..... 


P.s

Thanks also to JP for all the lovely gifts and sorry I was in such a tizz on Wednesday - I really do need 'serenity' in my life. xx

 American cousins...

Greek diners...(hungry ones at that!)

This is where I'll be....thanks SW xx

Friday 25th July

Talk about the 11th hour.... Bloods taken, blood pressure , pulse ( still abnormal!) forms filled in, injection, tablets etc. Chats to anaesthetist and ready to gown up, when the consultant comes up with my latest blood test results looking solemn...
They have a rule in surgery and don't operate on anyone if their white blood cell count is below 1:5, mine was 1:37 on July 1st ( they didn't tell me that at the time) and yesterday it had dropped to 1:36 .......even they don't seem to know why, it's understandable during chemo, but I finished my last lot in November 2012....

So after a very early start, we finally got 'discharged' from the hospital about 2:45pm....


Thought I'd just show you the rather fetching ' pair of pants' I was given ready for surgery..... Well, it made us laugh!


As my big brother was coming into London to see a long lost American cousin of ours with her new husband , we couldn't miss the opportunity of meeting up with them for a meal. One small problem, I didn't have anything to wear, no, seriously unless I was going in my pyjamas, slippers and dressing gown!

There was only one thing for it- shopping- so ( not having even brought a credit card with me, why would I need it in hospital ?) I marched off to Oxford street ( armed with Steve's cash and card, obviously ) He'd given me a big hug in the hospital so I knew he was ok with me spending his money........

Receiving the odd strange look I thought nothing of it- until I realised that I was still wearing my hospital identify band....

Such a strange day, that ended up being lovely but all a bit surreal, and now a whole new raft of problems. The hospital in jersey have booked me a CT scan, they need to monitor my bloods over a period of time to see what's happening, and they have provisionally booked a date for another operation August 21st... But don't count your chickens yet....

I'm kind of pleased I can enjoy this lovely weather and swim / tennis etc, but kind of concerned that these nodes are continuing to grow and spread disease ... So guess once again I'm back on the roller coaster....

Still, brother and cousin photos to finish, you see I'm still smiling.....










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Sunday 20th July

My sister and brother-in-laws wedding anniversary today- nice its on a Sunday. Just seem some lovely photos of the wedding in UK that we were supposed to attend and had to cancel. It looks like the rain held off and they didn't get flooded, so very pleased for them!

I've enjoyed the weekend, included in some retail therapy as needed a summer lightweight dressing gown in readiness for next week.. and that of course involved buying a few extra items of clothing enroute ( well, there was a sale so of course think of what I saved!)

I managed two swims in the sea today, one before 10am and one after 3pm, a dog walk and a few hours of tennis. Just enjoyed scoffing our homegrown garden veg for supper with some fresh lobster (thanks Jack) and bass from The Fresh Fish Company. Plus, I made a raspberry bakewell tart last night (with dairy free butter, so I could enjoy it too!).

I can feel myself starting to get nervous about next week, and I'm already having nightmares, but I am teaching myself to breathe deeply and try to remain calm. When I get really bad I can't stop talking at very high speed, ( or typing a load of drivel.....) so, until the next blog....

 'Mad Hatters tea party?'

Billy with Bagpuss- (loved that childrens tv programme- won this one in a raffle......!)

Friday 18th July

Well I'm very glad the hospital did call with the new date for surgery next week, I did think at one point it would be August before i got admitted!

I have been having a very good week out and about, playing tennis and racquetball and badminton, plus trying to swim in the sea every day- I have it on good authority it is 17.4 degrees, (like a bath?)

I'm busy trying to cram my summer all in before I have to 'rest and recuperate', although I have ordered some new swimsuits tonight in readiness for my first post op 'exercise'!!

Ive had lots of people wish me well and good luck for the operation, and I am trying to remain positive and 'think' myself well and healed- you never know it may just work!

I've taken lots of pictures so they will remind me of good and happy times, and that will speed my recovery i'm sure....here are a few to be going on with...

Tennis friends.....

Neighbours....and friends....

look at the hair!!! Love it ;-)

Mixed tennis partner FB....

Last Friday in town, promoting an awareness of gynae cancers/Macmillan...

More tennis friends!!  And yes, I do have a very long arm!

Finally thanks to the friendly farmer Pdlh down the road who delivered beautifully cooked beetroot and fresh potatoes to my door today (actually on the kitchen table!) Delicious..

Thursday 17th July

The hospital rang yesterday, I have a date........ Next Thursday the 24th of July.
Flights booked to leave Jersey on Wednesday evening....
Let's hope it doesn't get cancelled again!

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Monday 14th July

Non-Operation day, or Bastille day or Operation Stand Down, or just plain old July 14th....Whatever!

Now for all those folk not on FB, a few pictures of our FANTASTIC weekend at Wimbledon! We were so lucky with the weather, only seeing a bit of rain on the Saturday, but we were able to watch the ladies doubles up on Henman Hill (or Murray Mount). We saw so many games, the girls singles, wheelchair tennis (amazing) , had close encounters with Roger and Novak.... and of course had an incredible mens final to watch that lasted fours hours, (plus mixed that followed)!!

 Watching the mixed doubles finals....

 A selfie by the gold postbox..... (it's got to be done)

Novak warming up Sunday morning

 Ditto Roger....

Me trying to look cool with Boris Becker and Djokovic ....

Our centre court seats!!

Roger Federer!!

 The speeches....

 Selfies, with brother and sister-in-law @breakfast!!

There are plenty more photos, but I wont bore you with anymore on this blog...

A few people I'd just like to mention, firstly St Martin Methodists for my beautiful flower arrangement that arrived last week when we got back from Wimbledon- thank you.
LT who baked a beautiful Victoria sponge cake, (plus extra nibbles and snacks)....Many thanks ( i know how busy you are!)

Today I arrived home to find the Chef from St Martin CM had made a family sized Chicken curry and left it in my fridge....Yesterday I had a beautiful china mug and fresh tea dropped off from PW (courtesy of Coopers Coffee)....

Thank you 

Both Stephen and I have once again been overwhelmed by the offers of support that we receive on a daily basis, it is incredibly comforting knowing that so many people really do care.

Lastly, I called the hospital today and after three attempts managed to talk to the doctor who had rung me previously, she said that she hadn't been able to contact the Professor, and when I asked her if there was a possibility that I may be called in on Monday 21st, she didn't think it was very likely, but couldn't be sure....and she hadn't rung as there was no information to give me.....

I'm just 'rolling with the punches'....

Quote

when things dont go your way and you adapt to the changes and keep moving ahead instead of flipin out...

Nothing ever goes my way so i just roll with the punches

.....

Thursday 10th July

Its 3:30pm and I've just had a call from a doctor at the Royal Marsden, they've cancelled my operation for Monday.......

They think one of the surgeons is out of the UK , there may be a possibility that it will be rescheduled for the 21st July, but don't know yet.....

Im still reeling from the news, having got my head around it all, never mind the fact that family have booked trains and accommodation to come down and visit me in London.

So far I've contacted the Travel Office and postponed our flights.....

Now off to take the dog for a walk, and maybe a dip in the sea whilst I mull over what I need to do next....

What a mess up....

Wednesday 2nd July

Further to the appointment at the Royal Marsden yesterday.....

Options:-

 a) They open me up and remove the two lymph nodes that are either side of my left kidney.

b) They open me up and see that the nodes are firmly attached to the kidney and then have to decide to remove nodes and kidney, or sew me up and leave them still attached.

c) They open me up and see that there is actual other small amounts of disease that wasn't picked up by the scans, so removal of nodes would be pointless, sew me back up.

There are two surgeons carrying out the operation, and despite a two hour wait I was pleased to be able to see them both and have these various options explained.

Although the whole experience was a little surreal, and despite me nodding and appearing to take it all in I couldn't quite grasp the fact that this was all going to happen to me, until I got outside the hospital and broke down.....

If option B and/or C happens I will be given another six courses of Chemo..... one of the issues with taking a kidney(and we all know that 'normal' folk can live with one kidney quite happily) is that I will in the foreseeable future need more chemo and your body could really do with two to flush out all the toxins...

DN (one of the surgeons-and a 'top man') explained that chemo as well as operations causes scar tissue, and that makes the whole procedure even more difficult. He used a good analogy....
Imagine looking at a book, but you've dropped it into water, and despite it still looking like a book now all the pages are stuck together, but you don't realise it until you try to open it.

 The nodes look like they could just peel away from the kidney, or not...

My CA 125 has risen at an alarmingly rate up to 176- he said this was good (?) some ladies don't ever show marker rises, so at least we have that as a definite indication, but it was 27 in March....


I will have to spend 4/5 days in hospital, and the operation could take 2 to 3 hours- (all approximately) .

We had a short hours break then lots of pre surgical tests in the afternoon, blood pressure (110/60) thats good! Height, weight etc. blood tests, swabs for MRSA, and an ECG, which I 'failed'..... apparently I was abnormal, at 48 it should be 50 or above. It's because I'm so fit she said....

Talking of which we did have one brief moment of lightheartedness, when the nurse in going through all the checks said to lessen the chances of blood clots forming I had to increase my daily exercise- to which my husband gave a somewhat derisive snort and said I couldn't fit anymore in to my already hectic schedule!!

The procedure I am having is a Laparotomy para-aortic lymph node dissection....for all you nurses out there, at least that's what's printed on the sheet......