Wednesday 27th January

I know I must be sending out worry vibes because my little bro has called me twice on his mobile in the daytime to check up on me! 😊

I'm just back from a walk on the beach in the driving rain, the only person out there unsurprisingly.

I've had a lovely funny card from CH and flowers delivered and kind messages. I am sorry to worry everybody so, but writing this blog is one of the ways I try and deal with my emotional baggage I feel like I'm lugging about. Its so draining ' staying positive ' , and this is one of my many outlets I use.
Confiding my fears and concerns to friends, playing sport , trying to do yoga and mediate are a few others.

My dear ' chemo team' tennis partner CB who had been so helpful and supportive over the last three and half years both on and off court, took a turn for the worse just after Christmas , and although she has been at home over the last ten days, she has just gone into our wonderful hospice here in Jersey.

This has hit me hard, not just her being so ill but with the same disease as me and diagnosed just after me, but it has just smashed down all my carefully built up defences and to say I feel vulnerable and exposed is an understatement.

My thoughts and prayers are with her husband and her close family, by all accounts she is at peace with herself and from what I understand relatively pain free, and that is what really matters.

I hope to get to the hospital on Friday for a blood test and get the results next Tuesday when I see KG, I'm kind of resigned to the fact that a CT will most certainly be in the offing, but of course we can't see into the future so who knows?

Which brings me round to the simple fact that I need to live my life ' One day at a time' .


You should have had a few cheerful pics at the end of this post but they won't upload ... So I'll get my IT girl

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Thursday 21st January

I'm not going to lie, things are pretty rubbish at the minute. Lots of friends who are poorly, and this time of year (birthday's aside) is pretty depressing.

Anyway, I do have a story to tell that might make you smile.

On Saturday night we had the family around, it would have been Nan and Pops wedding anniversary so a good reason to spend some time together. AA kindly made a 'dairy free' pudding and some sauce which was delicious and we had some left over.
 Sunday night we had Jack and Steph over for supper, and as hubby is on a 'low fat' diet (doctors orders......) there wasn't a lot for dessert, but I said there was a small amount of pudding etc. (we did have ice-cream and cheese of which he couldn't have either, but he has been very good and we are all impressed with his fortitude). I directed Dan to the jug in the fridge with the sauce in which he duly heated up in the microwave, and it wasn't until he presented it onto the table that we realised that it was not the tasty butterscotch sauce but the pancake mixture that Becky had made earlier!! It had puffed up nicely into a dough ball, which Dan did try and eat....and wished he hadn't!!!

Sunday was a busy day with a cliff path walk, aerobics, and three sets of tennis, a very late lunch and then an attempt to clear/sort out the greenhouse, although we ran out of time and had to walk the dogs again before we lost the daylight.

School netball that I try and help with on Monday's has been repeatedly postponed because of the bad weather, although we did end up playing a match late afternoon when luckily the showers had stopped.

My D team (division 2)  had a very close netball match on Tuesday, we started off well with a clear lead of 5 or 6 goals only to end up drawing at halftime, and even losing the third quarter. Fortunately we dug deep and ended up winning by 3 goals. A very tense game throughout!


I'm glad I had the day I've had today or this posting wouldn't have been quite as light-hearted as it has turned out to be, and whilst I try to make the posts as upbeat and as positive as I can, the last ten days or so I have been fighting my own demons.

It began with a pleasant albeit chilly walk along the cliff paths with SH and the dogs, followed by a Pilates class at the Merton. Quick turn around and then a trip to Hospice where SW met me and we saw TF . It's fair to say there were plenty of tears shed, plus a few laughs as well. Once again TF came up trumps and certainly knows how to make a girl feel better, and I think SW and I  both left there feeling we were armed with more knowledge and better equipped to deal with the highs and lows of life.

I the met AB for a game of Racquet ball (Dan was dog walking....but as i found out later less of a walk more of a cliff/rock climb, with my puppy!!! At one point he had to 'pass her down' the rock face via her harness, little legs splayed out in fear! He told me she was fine on the way back and leapt up the banks following Jess...hmmmm. ) The racquet ball was great (except I got whitewashed), that's the trouble with playing against the wee Scots lady, she's very canny with her shots!!

Showered again and early for once at Macmillan for a yoga class, which I find is so good for the mind and body.

I'm pleased to be home tonight so I can update the blog, and go to bed early....too many hours awake last night worrying about the future, and more particularly the blood test next week, but I've flipped that coin and it's on 'heads up' so it's all good.

Thursday 14th January

Things have been a little tough this week, lots of emotional stuff to deal with, and not really me- sadly close friends. I don't really want to go into any great detail on this blog, lots of people out there are poorly or have close family who are not well.

So, whilst I have had high points, like getting to the final in a badminton tournament on Monday night, winning our first netball match this year on Tuesday and doing all the usual stuff that does my mind and body good. It doesn't take away the sadness and pain I feel for my friends, and particularly the utter helplessness.

Of course, selfishly it does impact on my own situation and so I have been pleased to go to Macmillan twice this week and get some support (complementary therapy and yoga class), plus I called up my friend from hospice today and she suggested i book an appointment next week to see her.  A wise decision, and I know she'll arm me with 'tools' that I can empower myself with, and hopefully pass onto the others.

We had a choir 'meeting' last night, CB has been in hospital and will be unable to continue to conduct and organise us, so we needed to see if we could sort something out between us. There was lots of encouraging vibes that we came out thinking we will certainly give it a go. Suggestions to bring in songs we would like to sing so  I'll be stealing music sheets from my sister and father-in-law.

A very important event on Saturday AB's 70th birthday.... and although I won't be able to share it with her, we ( lots of the family) are getting together in April for a bit of a 'do'....  

My (much younger) badminton partner....

Happy birthday 16/01/16

 

xx

Saturday 9th January 2016

Happy New Year to One and All!

 Just a little look at the 'pond' at the bottom of the meadow, it's fair to say that EVERYWHERE is very wet and really, really muddy... but at least we can come home to a dry, warm house.

 Lots of lovely dog photos in this blog, as the majority of my days are spent walking/training and cleaning up after them!

 The latest Christmas photo .... sorry about the nephew in the middle, that's his normal face I'm afraid.

 Yesterday I spent most of the day with SC, we actually had a grand day, a mixture of exercise and food, oh, and a small incident with the Chief of Police!! Let me explain, we had been into town and on the way back to the car, I remembered I'd forgotten something so SC said she'd drop me off and sit and wait.

As we pulled up onto the 'unloading' bay, we both spotted the CoP, talking as it so happened to one of SC's numerous friends, I tried to nonchalantly but quickly (difficult at the best of times) to jump out of the car and rush into the shop.

Upon my return to SC (who had moved around the corner) she regaled the series of events that had gone on in my absence. The CoP had indeed approached her in the car and after having knelt down by the drivers door and shaken her hand, started a conversation! He said as she was sitting in the car that was fine, and anyway the fact that she had gone a very bright shade of crimson and looked so guilty, it was obvious she could never do anything remotely law breaking!

SC was jibbering at this point, and blurted out, "My friend has just gone into the shop, she won't be long, do you know who she is? ( as this wasn't bad enough she then went on) her husband is Steve Luce"!!!!

Marvellous! By the time I came out the CoP had gone and my friend was manically chuckling to herself.

Later in the afternoon a few of us met up for a dog walk, one of our party thought she'd look better with the hat over her face!

 Jess looking after the puppies.....

I saw this today and thought it would be appropriate to end tonight's post..