Saturday 20th February

Less of a roller coaster ride of emotions this week, more of a seesaw I think, and thank you for all your kind .word, comments  and hugs (some virtual).

Caroline's funeral was, as funerals go, lovely, and very much a service that she would have wanted. It's true I was a mess, and found it difficult to sing during our Rising Voices piece, but luckily the other members were brilliant and sang their hearts out, she would have been proud.

In other news Beanie ( the puppy) went off to the vet on Tuesday to get spayed, an operation that went very smoothly, and now she has been on house arrest, (not easy). However we went back yesterday and the wound is healing very nicely, so she can have two 20 minute short lead walks a day. ( Not exactly what a springer would call a walk, in cookery terminology more of an "amuse bouche").

Thursday night Bex said she almost woke me up as she was in such discomfort from her heart beating "like it was coming out of my chest". Now, my children know that from a very early age unless the house is on fire or they are physically sick, they don't wake me, so when she came down the next morning  and told me about it, I said it was probably palpitations, everyone has them, and she was probably worried about the forthcoming Young farmers Concert next week.....

She duly went off to work, finishing work a bit earlier she said she'd come with me to take Beanie to the vet, on the way we were discussing how she hadn't felt 'right' all day and thought she would go to the doctors on Saturday morning. Further discussions led to 'do you need an appointment' questions, I said ring now and check. She rang, it was 4:25pm, and then we enquired if they had any appointments that evening, "yes 4:50pm!".

Quick change of plans, she dropped me at the vets and then went off to the doctors. I sorted Beanie out and then walked to Papa's and he gave me a lift home. As we arrived back the phone went and it was Bex who said the doctor suggested she went down to A and E as her heart was a little tachycardic, and had an irregular beat to it. Although as you can imagine Bex didn't quite say it like that, I had to speak to the doctor.
I put the phone down to Bex, saying Papa would drop me off, ( I put some things in a bag as she may have had to stay for a 24 hour observation). Steve walks in, the situation explained to him, he stays to sort the dogs out and off we trot.

Meanwhile unbeknown to us all Daniel had called the same doctor at 5pm and got an appointment at 5:30!! So a very tearful Becky on leaving  the consulting room was greeted with a very surprised brother, who seeing what state she was in, administered the required medicine ( a big hug and reassurance).

We arrived at the local hospital, got seen by a triage nurse within 10 minutes, who after she had put Bex on a monitor for blood pressure and pulse, and could see her pulse was racing at 150 beats a  minute, ushered us through to the resuscitation room. The staff were wonderful, I couldn't praise them enough, they gave her just the right amount of respect, reassurance and assistance as they possibly could, all with a little relaxing humour to ease what was otherwise a fairly stressful situation.

Bex was wired up to an ECG monitor and also ( brave girl) had a cannula fitted ( I fully understood that one), and then lots of questions. We waited while a few graphs were taken and then with her heart still going crazy was offered a beta blocker to calm things down. This took it from 125+ to a more normal level of between 80-90. Talk of her electrolytes in her blood being out of kilter were offered as possible explanations ( ie low in potassium or magnesium ). However all her bloods came back as normal. She had a thyroid test too, but we won't know the result for three days or so.

Two hours later we were walking back out of the hospital and driving home, exhausted, calmer, but still none the wiser. She is hopefully to have an ultrasound scan this week to see how the heart is working, and to get the thyroid results, until then she just carries on "as normal".

We are all feeling a little tired today, ( I did sleep in her bed last night as she was still anxious in case it should come back ). It's been a bit of a week.

On a separate note, I did have a lovely evening with VM, KH and SS, where we ate delicious food and had some serious (and not so serious discussions!!)

I played some great games of racquetball, tennis and badminton with good friends, and tonight look forward to a 60th birthday party....

Im ending this post with a piece taken from Caroline's Order of Service:-

'Remember Me'
Do not shed tears when I have gone but smile instead because I have lived. 
Do not shut your eyes and pray to God that I'll come back but open your eyes and see all that I have left behind. 
I know your heart will be empty because you cannot see me but still I want you to be full of the love we shared. 
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live only for yesterday or you can be happy for tomorrow because of what happened between us yesterday. 
You can remember me and grieve that I have gone or you can cherish my memory and let it live on. 
You can cry and lose yourself, become distraught and turn your back on the world or you can do what I want - smile, wipe away the tears, learn to love again and go on.

David Harkins