The Elephant is in the room....

Let's not forget the real reason I began this blog five years ago, primarily to give a 'voice' to my feelings and thoughts on a regular basis. To off load all the rubbish and general unjustness that comes with having a cancer diagnosis. Secondly it has been a good way to keep family and a few friends informed on how treatment and tests are progressing.

This has, to date, been an excellent tool, and whilst I do realise that the whole world can read what is written, fortunately it's only the close family members that 'kindly' point out my many grammatical errors. I can deal with that, as long as folks get the general gist of the often muddled, confused content that purports to being part of my brilliant brain.

When times have been bad, I've often written more frequently, and equally when I have been well and enjoying life to the full, the blog has been neglected.

Last week I had the results from a CT scan.... and then a blood test. Not quite the best news I was hoping for, but having chatted to KG and gone through the various options for the future, it wasnt too bleak.


I took a call today from the hospital. This time the MDT meeting  that was held this morning with the Marsden included me and my recent CT scan. The Marsden had compared my PET scan I had had in September with the recent scan, and taking into  consideration the fact that my blood counts were rising looked a lot closer comparing differences.

It seems I have a slightly enlarged lymph node in my neck. Of course nobody can say for sure but it seems to indicate cancer cells.

The double blow following further discussions is there are no clinical trials at the present time for people with the BRCA2 gene, and even if there were I would not be eligible as my white cell count is still suppressed. It has never recovered since the first lot of chemo, and they do not take patients with very low immunity systems as the treatment knocks out the white cells anyway.

This leaves me with Chemotherapy the carboplatin drug, that I have had in 2012 and 2014/15. Although not the taxol side, I barely managed that the first time around and it makes your hair fall out. Having said that I only had 100% carboplatin on the first cycle and then reduced amount for the rest of the treatment (plus blood transfusions) as everything was wiped out.

Next week I am hoping to meet up with the new doctor at Oncology, and have further blood tests and discuss chemo. Also meeting up with CM the haematology doctor at the hospital as in all likelihood I will have to start injections of G-CSF.

Chemotherapy induced neutropenia 

Chemotherapy can cause myelosuppression and unacceptably low levels of white blood cells (neutropenia), making patients susceptible to infections and sepsis. G-CSF stimulates the production of granulocytes, a type of white blood cell. In oncology and hematology, a recombinant form of G-CSF is used with certain cancer patients to accelerate recovery and reduce mortality from neutropenia after chemotherapy, allowing higher-intensity treatment regimens.^[11] It is administered to oncology patients via subcutaneous or intravenous routes.

G-CSF was first trialled as a therapy for neutropenia induced by chemotherapy in 1988. 

Although I am typing this out now, this blog will not be posted until tomorrow (Wednesday) as we have not yet told the children. Luckily I could get hold of Steve straight away, as to say I was upset was an understatement.

Last week I felt a bit flat and overall sad, sad and angry and resigned all in one breath, today I feel a hundred times worse.

Despair that I can't even hope to get on a 'trial', sickened with the thought of having more chemo, and so soon. Above all frightened ... and what did I want to do when i had the news?

Run

Just as well I didn't publish this last night, its not good to end with bad vibes.

You can understand after last weeks chat that this all came as a bit of a shock, and after telling Steve (who is amazingly steadfast and dependable, fortunately for me),  following up this morning by telling the boys, and this evening Becky.

In many ways that was the hard part, and now I have had 24 hours to absorb it all I have no choice but to move forward and do whatever they suggest.

I shall be recieving a letter shortly with more information on what has been decided, and I'm guessing appointments at the hospital will follow.

Until then i shall carry on doing what i always do, walk dogs, play sport and care for my family ( not necessarily in that order but more than likely!!)

“Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.”
– William James