Monday 12th May

My thanks to Dan for putting together an amusing blog, and even cheering me up from the trembling, pathetic individual I had become upon hearing the blood test results last week. Indeed thank you to all my boys who stopped me from curling into a ball and sobbing, and instead talked sensibly about taking things as and when they happen , and to stop over thinking the whole scenario.

My consultant KG was really torn between calling me or not calling me, nobody wants to hear bad news, so she really was between a rock and a hard place. She was so concerned for me she called last night to see how I was, fortunately I was able to maintain a reasonable conversation without going into chronic melt down. It was decided from the chat we had that there was actually no need now to come into hospital, as the thing I really needed was a CT scan, and she wouldn't have been able to book that by 9am...

However she rang me by 9:30am this morning, to say she had set the wheels in motion, and again by late afternoon to say I had a provisional date , next Monday, but the CT department would call me directly, and sure enough an hour later they did, to say they've managed to squeeze me for 12 noon tomorrow.

 I can't thank her enough for going out of her way to help me, I do believe that she is hoping to set up a meeting with the Marsden hospital to talk about future treatment. Do not for one second be fooled that by me typing this blog i am fine with all this, I am truly devastated, and the thought that the Cancer has come back and so quickly, I can only assume is bad.

At the moment I feel fine, albeit anxious/upset etc, and now couldn't tell you that the dull ache I have in my stomach is anything to be worried about, or is it just a knot of nerves....

Acceptance, that is the word of the week, I have to accept this vile disease and deal with it, I knew the odds were never really in my favour, but it really is no good stressing about something I have absolutely no control over. In the words of my great friend TH "Worry does not influence outcome".