Thursday 5th June

Firstly, many, many thanks to all the well-wishes, texts, cards, and flowers that I have received over these last few days, very kind of everyone.

Work has been a blessing for me this week, I have not had time to dwell or worry to much on the 'what might happen' scenarios. I even managed a game of tennis last night, (but played appallingly sadly).

Anyway, fortunately Steve had the call from the consultant at the Marsden today and it meant that he could diffuse and filter the news back to me. It's somehow better to hear it from him than a 'stranger'. I suppose that although its not 'good' news its not altogether bad......

It appears that I have two 15mm enlarged lymph nodes in my abdomen, the 'good' news is that there seems to be no other visible signs of the disease. The 'bad' news is that they are very close to my kidney and Aorta and they will be 'tricky' to remove. Although the consultant did say on Tuesday that she would like to operate if she could, the very fact that they are in such a difficult position and would need the assistance of a urologist as well as herself complicates the matter. She had not had time to consult with him, but was hoping to do so either later today or tomorrow.

So although its not brilliant, it could be far far worse I suppose. I still don't really know what will happen, it's up to them what they feel will be my best option.

We had a long day on Tuesday, but the hospital were marvelous and all the appointments, blood tests and subsequent scan went as smoothly as it could. They talked about the fact that if I did need an operation I could come in the day before and have my pre-assessment test, saves having to book two lots of flights.

Two weeks ago a colleague's husband died of a heart attack, he was only 47, tragic. At the airport I saw a parishioner whose husband was having an operation on a brain tumour, his sisters were at the hospital and she was flying over for the day to be with him. He is self employed so doesn't work, doesn't get paid, she has a job that is similar, so not only the uncertainty of the operation and all the risks it carries, but the financial strain too.

I have been to our Gynae group meeting tonight, it was good to see familiar faces and share some stories (some amusing), but listening to one of the younger ladies talk about her month she had in Southampton was sobering. She has just finished chemo , and still has no hair, she has a one year old daughter that needed an operation on her hips. The hospital is big, the wards are large, and hearing and seeing distressed very ill children was hugely upsetting. No financial help given to that couple either.
And two weeks ago her father had a heart attack.

I'm telling you this because, really, I am fortunate (lucky?) that I have a husband, family, and friends who support/pray for me on a regular basis.  I am a lot better off than a lot of other folk, so stand tall, head up, deep breath, and plenty of positive thinking. I've beaten it back into submission once, I can do it again......