Thursday 14th September

Goodness me I've actually written this blog post about five times in my head. If I had written it on Tuesday you'd have had a very sour account, full of anxiety, depression and moments of blind panic.

If I had written it yesterday you would have got a complicated list of my minor ailments and emotional insecurity.

But.... today is Thursday and so this is a level headed account (?!) of the past few days.

I had a CT scan on Monday, along with a blood test. All was fine and went without a hitch. Tuesday morning I had a call from KG to say they have only managed a cursory glance at the scan but couldn't see anything major ( ie a large tumour), but it was going over to the Marsden for them to look/compare with an older scan.

Tuesday evening I had another call from KG to say no scan news, but my CA 125 which was previously 585 had jumped to 1,080. I think thats in about 4 weeks.

This is really not good news.

One explanation is maybe I have LVD (low volume disease) and there are just masses of small tumours growing everywhere.  It is no good speculating, it may be that I need a PET scan to see if that is the case.

Anyway nothing can be done this week. The next MDT meeting is Tuesday 19th where my case will be discussed and a plan formulated. I know I have KG fighting my corner, and maybe my oncologist, but I have also taken the liberty to ring the Marsden today and speak to my genetics consultant.

She unfortunately is away on holiday, but i have spoken to her clinician and requested that if its possible she attends the meeting too! She has put me on Letrozole ( the hormone drug) and I feel its a good idea to get as many heads together to bounce around ideas.
Dr AG is also extremely lovely, and it does help if the consultants who are talking about you have actually met you in person.

It may be that she has already been 'invited', but I thought It couldn't hurt to ask.

Just looking around my kitchen and desk I am surrounded by positive uplifting quotes and phrases, and thought I'd share a few with you. I know they help me on a daily basis.

Here is one that considering the weather we've had is very apt.

Never give up No matter what is going on Never give up Develop the heart Too much energy in your country is spent Developing the mind instead of the heart. Be compassionate not just to your friends but to everyone Be compassionate. Work for peace in your heart and in the world. Work for peace and I say again Never give up. No matter what is happening, No matter what is going on around you, Never give up.

- His Holiness the Dalai Lama