Jill here, and I'm a little all over the place with this blog this evening. Please bear with me. We start back at the hospital sometime ago now at the point when they remove the drain from my lung.
Luckily for me my big brother was on hand ( literally )He arrived late Wednesday night , and came to the hospital with Steve on Thursday morning. Aware that we were breaching 'visiting rules' he left at lunchtime , but arrived back in time to be useful for 'hand breaking' whilst I was having the drain removed and the stitch put in. A fairly brave move, considering Pete doesn't do hospitals at all, and is a little squeamish at the best of times.
Anyway, that's now in the past, and at least I managed to get home.
This blog has been stopped and started at least four times... I've lost track of days and times ...
Pete has left to go back to the UK tonight , a fleeting visit, but at last they are back next Friday week for the wedding.
Here we are again, 1:30am, ( Friday night) and obviously the very best time to be awake and writing a blog post.
I realised I've been home at least 24 hours and have not managed yet to get into the front garden , in fact as I spend 98% of time hooked up to oxygen , if the lead doesn't stretch that far I don't go that far. I can have ten minutes of so off oxygen but have to take it really slowly and not get out of breath!
It's now 7 am, and as my eyes were crossing and the words were blurring in the early hours, I couldn't continue last night. Topped up with morphine to help suppress the cough, which of course it does but equally knocks you out. Part of me loathes my reliance on it.
A necessary evil , I understand , ditto methadone , and in between paracetamol to cover all the bases.
Yesterday was a good day to a degree, I had the a single bed delivered ( the family had ordered and already prepared space for) not tried it yet but it's one that keeps all body parts moving to prevent pressure sores. This is just as well as I am spending a lot of time on my bottom........and I'm not going any further with that sentence.
I had not one but two district nurses turn up and administer their care package, antibiotics , bandages for the legs, all the usual sats blood pressure, temperature , oxygen saturation .
They have a new scoring system, and I came out as an eight, my little face brightened up, "oh , that's not bad, two more to ten" ( think I was thinking of the babies Apgar score we used to do when they were born) . The Nurse looked at me pityingly "no, ideally you would be zero"! Crushed.
SW came round with shopping, and then very kindly helped me sort out some Jewellery pieces, just another 'to do job' that I didn't think I'd get a chance to do if I'd gone to Hospice.
I had a long standing hair appointment in the afternoon , in readiness for the wedding of course, but wisely I opted out of highlights, and went for a shorter cut. It would be a waste of money , by the time it comes round I may not have any hair , and it's easier to shave my head if it's shorter .
Jack chaperoned me and my portable oxygen and then kept an eye of me, I took the opportunity to make my hairdresser cut his head too! She had a little spare time as I wasn't having as much done as normal , and I persuaded him that in two weeks time it would be lovely "wedding hair" . One can't have a scruffy groom.
Pete had walked the dogs and they were well behaved ( makes a change ) actually that sentence is untrue , he only walked Beanie, because Jess feeling a little hot had gone AWOL, and was found cooling off in the irrigation pond . The ideal place if you've got a sore tail and stitches in your armpit... When Jack went and finally got her out, Beanie not wanting to miss out jumped in too, so they both got a telling off. ( they were unrepentant ) .
We just got back in time to see my doctor arrive, and although he has been kept in the loop , he hasn't actually seen me for a while. So we exchanged information. He said he has never been to a family home and everybody is so well organised, from my drug chart spread sheet, to the bed delivery, district nurses in place, medicine cupboard sorted ( Steph of course ) , sats taken at regular intervals, mostly by boys that like sticking a thermometer in my ear.
It was 6:40 by this time and I was wrecked, so a small supper and off upstairs to bed, the previous night I as asleep by 7:30. If I haven't slept in the day I can't manage beyond 7 ish.
Legs still very large ( as is bottom , give Kim Kardashian a run for her money, except mine wobbles with fluid.) leaking, (the legs not the bottom I hasten to add, but you never know what's next) , always a bonus.
The lung drain hole seems to be clean and healing, but it hurt like crazy yesterday to cough, I thought my lung has collapsed . I've got a needle stuck in my port with a dangly tube so the nurses can administer the daily IV antibiotic of teicoplanin ( one for you KB?!) it's the domestos of antibiotics.
The very worst time is waking in the morning, when my lungs have been in sleep mode , and then after a few minutes of waking up, they wake up too. It was pretty awful this morning, panic breathing, pain in the side every breath . Fortunately Bex came in at 5:3O and calmed me down, yet more morphine administered and I got myself under control .
I had a restful morning, so I could go to he airport and collect Tim ( annoying little bro) but it took Steve and Bex as my carers.
We stopped at Bonne Nuit on the way home and had a bacon roll and I was able to look at a view , lots of family around when we got back , and so I assigned each a job, Tom stayed with me and I was able for ten minutes or so just to potter in the kitchen a bit. It was funny as every time I sent Tom off with an errand ( he had the football on the TV ) they scored a goal. I think he missed three, his face was a picture.
Thanks to the girls for going shopping, and for Steph and Tom to cook supper .
I'll use the lap top tomorrow and I can post some photos .
Thanks Maria for beautiful Keep Fit card , and for Jean for her lovely card and oh to everyone ....
Love xx
SWcame round wth shopping, chatted to Pete
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday 30 June 2018
Thursday 28 June 2018
Why doctor, your pants are on fire.....doggy doorbells....and other amusements
It's been just another day...another day of plans...plans made, plans changed, plans achieved...eventually. Yes, it's Steve here again...blogging as Jill is in the bath here at home....yes, home! Actually, it's more of a warm puddle than a hot bath, but at least it's here at home. We have finally managed to break free from the Hospital, and, as much as they have looked after us fantastically well, it's so good to be home.
Yes, I know that the plan had been to be at Hospice...but the best made plans of mice and men etc. For many reasons home has turned out to be where we are.....and we're just grateful to have her at home....well....we are at the moment....once the demands and moaning starts maybe we can send her back?
Yesterday, Jill's lung drain was left in overnight....very little additional fluid....PS said she was very pleased....and she said the drain could be removed by Doctor Harry as he did his second round of the day. The said pipe was removed and, although I wasn't present at the time, by all accounts it wasn't exactly a pain free procedure...and there was a bit more a little hole that doc Harry was happy with. "I'll just put a couple of little stitches in there" he said...."will it hurt?" said Jill..."just a little scratch like taking blood" said Doc H. It would appear that his version of "a little scratch" and Jill's probably isn't the same! Liar, liar, pants on fire came to mind.....
I digress. With lung free of pipes etc. it was just a case of getting organised with the drugs for home, and the paperwork to be completed. With the best will in the world this was never going to be a quick thing to achieve...and the first target of 14:00 came and went...as did 14:30 and 15:00....lets just say we managed to miss the after school rush, by leaving after it had finished!
Many hugs and kisses were given on both sides as we left the ward...the staff there have been so wonderful...working under difficult conditions much of the time....sometimes short staffed....working long shifts....we take our hats off to them all.
Delivered to the door by the porter in a chair, Jill put in the back of the car with nurse Stephe alongside with oxygen (we don't seem to be able to go very far at all now without an oxy machine of some sort) and Jack driving. Pete and I followed in the second car. We got home to a reception committee of Dan, Bex and two dogs. Everyone seemed very happy. Jill sat on sofa and caught up with the comings and goings of the last few days at Seaford.
For once she actually did what her body was telling her and retired to bed at about 5 for a snooze.....but she quickly needed some "soothing medicine" to help her settle....Martin the nurse had given her a firm telling off as we left hospital and said "if you need drugs then flippin' we'll take them"...and so Jill had some methadone to help her relax.....it did the trick! Despite feeling hungry a little later it wasn't very long before she was "off with the fairies"!!
Thank you for that Steve, that makes me sound like a junkie, ( or as the sister says, a "user" ) !!
I never expected to be in my bed tonight , what a bonus ! And to see my dogs...although their greeting was short lived. After the trauma of the "The big hospital exit " and the exciting day I had had, I was ready for a sleep.
The family of course knew where their priorities lay, and it wasn't with me, it was the football. So I was dispatched upstairs, plugged into oxygen, pumped full of morphine and told to keep quiet.
Bex felt sorry for me, and had a brain wave, last year she had bought a "doggy doorbell " . The attachment is fixed outside and we have been trying to train Beanie to touch her nose on it, which makes the 'plug in doorbell' ring in the kitchen. They also sent her another doorbell separately, well it was this that she bought up, and it's sitting on my bedside table .
So I am now reduced to the level of the dogs, and if I require assistance I press the doorbell which rings in the kitchen, of course if nobody hears it .... Actually I think they do hear it but just ignore it.
I'm going to have to stop and post, the morphine is working, the words are blurring and Steve needs to sleep.
I'm back in again Monday ( hopefully not before ) oncology to take bloods through the port and change needle . Straight onto EAU to have a drain fired the and right lung drained. Stay in overnight . Chemo Tuesday ... Home Tuesday afternoon .... This plan too could change ....
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Yes, I know that the plan had been to be at Hospice...but the best made plans of mice and men etc. For many reasons home has turned out to be where we are.....and we're just grateful to have her at home....well....we are at the moment....once the demands and moaning starts maybe we can send her back?
Yesterday, Jill's lung drain was left in overnight....very little additional fluid....PS said she was very pleased....and she said the drain could be removed by Doctor Harry as he did his second round of the day. The said pipe was removed and, although I wasn't present at the time, by all accounts it wasn't exactly a pain free procedure...and there was a bit more a little hole that doc Harry was happy with. "I'll just put a couple of little stitches in there" he said...."will it hurt?" said Jill..."just a little scratch like taking blood" said Doc H. It would appear that his version of "a little scratch" and Jill's probably isn't the same! Liar, liar, pants on fire came to mind.....
I digress. With lung free of pipes etc. it was just a case of getting organised with the drugs for home, and the paperwork to be completed. With the best will in the world this was never going to be a quick thing to achieve...and the first target of 14:00 came and went...as did 14:30 and 15:00....lets just say we managed to miss the after school rush, by leaving after it had finished!
Many hugs and kisses were given on both sides as we left the ward...the staff there have been so wonderful...working under difficult conditions much of the time....sometimes short staffed....working long shifts....we take our hats off to them all.
Delivered to the door by the porter in a chair, Jill put in the back of the car with nurse Stephe alongside with oxygen (we don't seem to be able to go very far at all now without an oxy machine of some sort) and Jack driving. Pete and I followed in the second car. We got home to a reception committee of Dan, Bex and two dogs. Everyone seemed very happy. Jill sat on sofa and caught up with the comings and goings of the last few days at Seaford.
For once she actually did what her body was telling her and retired to bed at about 5 for a snooze.....but she quickly needed some "soothing medicine" to help her settle....Martin the nurse had given her a firm telling off as we left hospital and said "if you need drugs then flippin' we'll take them"...and so Jill had some methadone to help her relax.....it did the trick! Despite feeling hungry a little later it wasn't very long before she was "off with the fairies"!!
Thank you for that Steve, that makes me sound like a junkie, ( or as the sister says, a "user" ) !!
I never expected to be in my bed tonight , what a bonus ! And to see my dogs...although their greeting was short lived. After the trauma of the "The big hospital exit " and the exciting day I had had, I was ready for a sleep.
The family of course knew where their priorities lay, and it wasn't with me, it was the football. So I was dispatched upstairs, plugged into oxygen, pumped full of morphine and told to keep quiet.
Bex felt sorry for me, and had a brain wave, last year she had bought a "doggy doorbell " . The attachment is fixed outside and we have been trying to train Beanie to touch her nose on it, which makes the 'plug in doorbell' ring in the kitchen. They also sent her another doorbell separately, well it was this that she bought up, and it's sitting on my bedside table .
So I am now reduced to the level of the dogs, and if I require assistance I press the doorbell which rings in the kitchen, of course if nobody hears it .... Actually I think they do hear it but just ignore it.
I'm going to have to stop and post, the morphine is working, the words are blurring and Steve needs to sleep.
I'm back in again Monday ( hopefully not before ) oncology to take bloods through the port and change needle . Straight onto EAU to have a drain fired the and right lung drained. Stay in overnight . Chemo Tuesday ... Home Tuesday afternoon .... This plan too could change ....
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday 27 June 2018
Doctors, Dogs & Drains
So....here we are again...and It's me, Steve, doing an update....but where to start? It's been another busy 24 hours ( not in A and E) and there's been lots going on since yesterday lunchtime.
The headline news is that we are still ensconced in Barlett Ward...Bay 6....not the sort of bay that Jill would choose...Bel Val Bay or La Coupe Bay would be preferable! The latest plan is that the transport to Hospice is now booked for 11:00 tomorrow....and there's already a queue of people volunteering to drive her...mainly to make sure she gets out!
So...yesterday afternoon the wonderful Dr PS decided to drain the left lung again....and another 1.5l+ has been taken. As I type the drain has been opened again but there's very little left. This is good news, as Petra is going to come in an hour or so and pump a mixture of talc and "stuff" back into the lungs....or, to be accurate, the gap between the lungs and the outer casing of the lungs (just imagine the lung sitting in a plastic bag, and then that bag being put into another plastic bag. The fluid has been building up between the two bags, and that's where the talc will go once the drain has done its job. The idea is that the talc sticks the two bags together and then doesn't allow the fluid to come back. There's an 80% chance of success....fingers crossed.
This is called pleurodesis, but Steve has explained it very well, and so far so good. I'm a bit concerned that when they open the drain again it will be painful, but I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Jill's drug intake continues to know no bounds....and more new antibiotics have been started yesterday (they seem to keep finding different ones at the back of the cupboard!) along with some "normal" ones for her legs. They've also introduced methadone twice a day...that really helps the cough...which is good news, as coughing when you have a lung drain in is not good or the best idea if you want to stay pain free. There's also the now "standard" paracetamol and oral morphine.....all in all Jill is keeping those pharmaceutical company dividends looking good.
All in all things are a bit brighter today...this time yesterday she wasn't in great shape...and the news that big brother Pete is arriving tonight has helped to perk things up as well. There's also been the string of good wishes from literally all over the globe, which is so kind of everyone.
Jill has decided to write some bits...so here she is...she needs to vet my contribution, and also spell those long druggy words that she's been researching. Talking of vets....Jessie is kindly being taken for her checkup this morning by TH....while I was filling in the paperwork for the dog before I left home I noticed the monthly insurance payments! Flipping heck....as a tight Jerseyman I'm going to be putting those dogs to work soon.....time they started earning their keep...maybe we can harness them to some sort of trolley and get them to pull Jill around. That would put a whole new meaning to dog walks!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
The headline news is that we are still ensconced in Barlett Ward...Bay 6....not the sort of bay that Jill would choose...Bel Val Bay or La Coupe Bay would be preferable! The latest plan is that the transport to Hospice is now booked for 11:00 tomorrow....and there's already a queue of people volunteering to drive her...mainly to make sure she gets out!
So...yesterday afternoon the wonderful Dr PS decided to drain the left lung again....and another 1.5l+ has been taken. As I type the drain has been opened again but there's very little left. This is good news, as Petra is going to come in an hour or so and pump a mixture of talc and "stuff" back into the lungs....or, to be accurate, the gap between the lungs and the outer casing of the lungs (just imagine the lung sitting in a plastic bag, and then that bag being put into another plastic bag. The fluid has been building up between the two bags, and that's where the talc will go once the drain has done its job. The idea is that the talc sticks the two bags together and then doesn't allow the fluid to come back. There's an 80% chance of success....fingers crossed.
This is called pleurodesis, but Steve has explained it very well, and so far so good. I'm a bit concerned that when they open the drain again it will be painful, but I'll just have to cross that bridge when I come to it.
Jill's drug intake continues to know no bounds....and more new antibiotics have been started yesterday (they seem to keep finding different ones at the back of the cupboard!) along with some "normal" ones for her legs. They've also introduced methadone twice a day...that really helps the cough...which is good news, as coughing when you have a lung drain in is not good or the best idea if you want to stay pain free. There's also the now "standard" paracetamol and oral morphine.....all in all Jill is keeping those pharmaceutical company dividends looking good.
All in all things are a bit brighter today...this time yesterday she wasn't in great shape...and the news that big brother Pete is arriving tonight has helped to perk things up as well. There's also been the string of good wishes from literally all over the globe, which is so kind of everyone.
Jill has decided to write some bits...so here she is...she needs to vet my contribution, and also spell those long druggy words that she's been researching. Talking of vets....Jessie is kindly being taken for her checkup this morning by TH....while I was filling in the paperwork for the dog before I left home I noticed the monthly insurance payments! Flipping heck....as a tight Jerseyman I'm going to be putting those dogs to work soon.....time they started earning their keep...maybe we can harness them to some sort of trolley and get them to pull Jill around. That would put a whole new meaning to dog walks!
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Tuesday 26 June 2018
Thankful
I really don't know if this blog post will make sense, I seem to be on oxygen most of the time, and my morphine / paracetamol drug taking has increased as I feared it would.
For a few hours I can feel fairly ok, ( coughing aside , I am so TIRED of coughing). It's exhausting , it's annoying, frustrating and debilitating .
I've just had two hours sleep before the coughing woke me up. I have to sit almost upright, which in itself becomes painful on my backside ( where I seem to spend most of my day). It can also be frightening if I can't get my breath, breathing is so important don't you think ?
I deviate from the title of the post, this is really me saying how overwhelmed ( understatement) I am with the daily ( yes daily) texts/ cards, messages and emails I have had from all you lot. It is truly humbling , and I feel so fortunate that I can read ( often through tears the lovely things you say about me)
Totally untrue of course, but well meaning with their intent .
I'm glad Tom was able to write the blog last night, I just really didn't have the energy, words or brain power, and as is my wont, I try to lighten the tone. Humour , particularly of the black sort, at the minute carries me through, but I am also a realist and my situation is grave. Oh dear, there I go again.
Sunday night, after feeling wretched all day, I had a few good hours in the evening , Tom reckons it was the morphine that gave me the "munchies' and at 8:30pm I sent out a message to the family that I fancied some chips, not something I normally do.
A phone call from my daughter checking that I was for 'real', and an inquiry to the ward sister that it would be OK . Forty minutes later at 9:10pm my daughter ( after making her dad drive around St Helier) races into the ward, bearing chips, vinegar and ketchup . Now that's love.
Chips and Poldark..... A perfect combination .
I was looking forward to the "Night time Show" and I wasn't disappointed . All the grannies were asleep early, this was so they had enough energy later on to keep the night time staff busy.
Mrs La La by the window ( bless,she had been very uncommunicative and a bit of a concern ) had rallied around enough to gabble the odd meaningless phrase across the ward at random times of the night.
We had entertainment with "The commute of the commodes", this was accompanied by at least two nurses each time trundling past and decked out with plastic aprons, gloves and set looks on their faces.
The best of all, was the poor lady next to me, who was due a colonoscopy today and so had to drink the vile medication in order to empty her bowels .
In order to save her the frequent trips to the toilet in haste, she had a permeant commode set up.
Unfortunately for me it was 6 inches the other side of my bed, behind the curtain. I don't think I need to say more.
I know I'm ill. If I get a chance to look out of a clear window ( most are frosted ) instead of longing to be outside in the sunshine and freedom, I find myself indifferent .
I have become institutionalised, trapped in the twilight , bleeper buzzing, world of hospitals. Desperate to be able to ease the swollen, leaking legs, to be able to breath cleanly without oxygen. Any minor effort takes up huge reserves . I am talking ridiculously pathetic stuff.
I can't bend down to pick stuff off the floor, coughing spasms , I turn to adjust pillows, coughing spasms . Talking too much, too long, too quickly, or not talking, results in yet more coughing.
My best friend has been over for the weekend , luckily we managed a few hours in the middle of the day Saturday to get out, otherwise she has visited me in hospital , not what we both had planned. So wonderful to see her, but equally so sad. I was impressed with her 'I'm not crying' stance on Saturday , but even she succumbed on Sunday... Fat lot of use she is as a friend........
My other best friend whilst texting and offering help, continually in the background but knowing that visiting and chatting is exhausting has kept away. I can see why my family are closing ranks .. They are like the mafia , but for my own good. I don't have the energy to argue, and anyway they want a piece of me.
I've no idea why, I'm self centred ,often found moaning, and coughing, with legs that feel like they're breaking open .
I had a blood test today to see if the 2 X antibiotics have brought the infection down, I haven't had a temperature since I've been in here , it's not surprising with the amount of paracetamol I'm popping.
The vein In my left arm 'popped' last week and is now useless, my right arm has the cannula in. She tried to take blood from high up my arm and failed, took it from my hand instead .
I had an ultrasound on my huge belly, not really any fluid ( what is it then?) but I have three gallstones , great . Dormant , so not to worry...... Anything else ???
Oncology came to see me, will take bloods tomorrow ( through the port ) and if good go ahead with increased amount of chemo. My HB has really dropped from 10 to 9.7, so will add to the tiredness and shortness of breath I would think .
I'm stopping now as its 2:45 am, and I've been awake an hour, this post will need a re read in the morning.
It's now 11:55 on Tuesday morning...and this is Steve adding a few lines. I've come up from the big house in the Royal Square to be here when Dr PS the respiratory expert comes to say hello. Jill is short of breath..everything is a big effort...and we need to see what we can do. Chemo isn't happening today...NB came in earlier and wasn't as impressed with Jill's performance as he was yesterday. Appointments have been made for next Monday...blood tests followed by decisions.
Jill is now off the intravenous antibiotics and just on pills. This will make some decisions much easier to make (or more complicated, depending on how you look at it). Without the need for IV we don't actually need to be here on on level 2 of the old granite block....we can be elsewhere....but which is the best option. Hospice are looking to see if they have a bed we could have for a few days. No doubt the wonderful TF will be around later to tell us the art of the possible. Alternatively we could go home....and in some ways this would be great...but in other ways I'm not quite sure if we are ready for home yet.
Jill's breathlessness is a real challenge....but we've been in challenging spots before. This, however, is tough...the coughing isn't continuous, but it is really really wearing. It's been a long time now and Jilly's exhausted by it all.
On the brighter side...she's just managed a visit to the ladies without assistance from me (she nearly punched me when I suggested it) and I also think that her legs are ever so slightly improve this morning. My positive take on this is that, without having to fight the infection, her body is making a little more albumin and absorbing more of the fluid back into her system...hence the regular visits to the loo. As much as the "visits" are a bit of an event in their own, let's hope they continue!
Right, I think it may be time to post this blog so everyone knows where we are. I'm sure everyone will appreciate that visiting for everyone except family will have to continue to be norm for a little longer still. We are all so grateful for the love and support we are receiving from all around....no doubt there will be another post very soon. Jill's going to read what I've just put....she says she doesn't trust me......
Our heartfelt condolences go to LT down under. We can't really put what we want to say in words, but we all hope the funeral was a celebration of his life, the proposed family arrangements and contributions sounded like they were going to be truly wonderful.
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For a few hours I can feel fairly ok, ( coughing aside , I am so TIRED of coughing). It's exhausting , it's annoying, frustrating and debilitating .
I've just had two hours sleep before the coughing woke me up. I have to sit almost upright, which in itself becomes painful on my backside ( where I seem to spend most of my day). It can also be frightening if I can't get my breath, breathing is so important don't you think ?
I deviate from the title of the post, this is really me saying how overwhelmed ( understatement) I am with the daily ( yes daily) texts/ cards, messages and emails I have had from all you lot. It is truly humbling , and I feel so fortunate that I can read ( often through tears the lovely things you say about me)
Totally untrue of course, but well meaning with their intent .
I'm glad Tom was able to write the blog last night, I just really didn't have the energy, words or brain power, and as is my wont, I try to lighten the tone. Humour , particularly of the black sort, at the minute carries me through, but I am also a realist and my situation is grave. Oh dear, there I go again.
Sunday night, after feeling wretched all day, I had a few good hours in the evening , Tom reckons it was the morphine that gave me the "munchies' and at 8:30pm I sent out a message to the family that I fancied some chips, not something I normally do.
A phone call from my daughter checking that I was for 'real', and an inquiry to the ward sister that it would be OK . Forty minutes later at 9:10pm my daughter ( after making her dad drive around St Helier) races into the ward, bearing chips, vinegar and ketchup . Now that's love.
Chips and Poldark..... A perfect combination .
I was looking forward to the "Night time Show" and I wasn't disappointed . All the grannies were asleep early, this was so they had enough energy later on to keep the night time staff busy.
Mrs La La by the window ( bless,she had been very uncommunicative and a bit of a concern ) had rallied around enough to gabble the odd meaningless phrase across the ward at random times of the night.
We had entertainment with "The commute of the commodes", this was accompanied by at least two nurses each time trundling past and decked out with plastic aprons, gloves and set looks on their faces.
The best of all, was the poor lady next to me, who was due a colonoscopy today and so had to drink the vile medication in order to empty her bowels .
In order to save her the frequent trips to the toilet in haste, she had a permeant commode set up.
Unfortunately for me it was 6 inches the other side of my bed, behind the curtain. I don't think I need to say more.
I know I'm ill. If I get a chance to look out of a clear window ( most are frosted ) instead of longing to be outside in the sunshine and freedom, I find myself indifferent .
I have become institutionalised, trapped in the twilight , bleeper buzzing, world of hospitals. Desperate to be able to ease the swollen, leaking legs, to be able to breath cleanly without oxygen. Any minor effort takes up huge reserves . I am talking ridiculously pathetic stuff.
I can't bend down to pick stuff off the floor, coughing spasms , I turn to adjust pillows, coughing spasms . Talking too much, too long, too quickly, or not talking, results in yet more coughing.
My best friend has been over for the weekend , luckily we managed a few hours in the middle of the day Saturday to get out, otherwise she has visited me in hospital , not what we both had planned. So wonderful to see her, but equally so sad. I was impressed with her 'I'm not crying' stance on Saturday , but even she succumbed on Sunday... Fat lot of use she is as a friend........
My other best friend whilst texting and offering help, continually in the background but knowing that visiting and chatting is exhausting has kept away. I can see why my family are closing ranks .. They are like the mafia , but for my own good. I don't have the energy to argue, and anyway they want a piece of me.
I've no idea why, I'm self centred ,often found moaning, and coughing, with legs that feel like they're breaking open .
I had a blood test today to see if the 2 X antibiotics have brought the infection down, I haven't had a temperature since I've been in here , it's not surprising with the amount of paracetamol I'm popping.
The vein In my left arm 'popped' last week and is now useless, my right arm has the cannula in. She tried to take blood from high up my arm and failed, took it from my hand instead .
I had an ultrasound on my huge belly, not really any fluid ( what is it then?) but I have three gallstones , great . Dormant , so not to worry...... Anything else ???
Oncology came to see me, will take bloods tomorrow ( through the port ) and if good go ahead with increased amount of chemo. My HB has really dropped from 10 to 9.7, so will add to the tiredness and shortness of breath I would think .
I'm stopping now as its 2:45 am, and I've been awake an hour, this post will need a re read in the morning.
It's now 11:55 on Tuesday morning...and this is Steve adding a few lines. I've come up from the big house in the Royal Square to be here when Dr PS the respiratory expert comes to say hello. Jill is short of breath..everything is a big effort...and we need to see what we can do. Chemo isn't happening today...NB came in earlier and wasn't as impressed with Jill's performance as he was yesterday. Appointments have been made for next Monday...blood tests followed by decisions.
Jill is now off the intravenous antibiotics and just on pills. This will make some decisions much easier to make (or more complicated, depending on how you look at it). Without the need for IV we don't actually need to be here on on level 2 of the old granite block....we can be elsewhere....but which is the best option. Hospice are looking to see if they have a bed we could have for a few days. No doubt the wonderful TF will be around later to tell us the art of the possible. Alternatively we could go home....and in some ways this would be great...but in other ways I'm not quite sure if we are ready for home yet.
Jill's breathlessness is a real challenge....but we've been in challenging spots before. This, however, is tough...the coughing isn't continuous, but it is really really wearing. It's been a long time now and Jilly's exhausted by it all.
On the brighter side...she's just managed a visit to the ladies without assistance from me (she nearly punched me when I suggested it) and I also think that her legs are ever so slightly improve this morning. My positive take on this is that, without having to fight the infection, her body is making a little more albumin and absorbing more of the fluid back into her system...hence the regular visits to the loo. As much as the "visits" are a bit of an event in their own, let's hope they continue!
Right, I think it may be time to post this blog so everyone knows where we are. I'm sure everyone will appreciate that visiting for everyone except family will have to continue to be norm for a little longer still. We are all so grateful for the love and support we are receiving from all around....no doubt there will be another post very soon. Jill's going to read what I've just put....she says she doesn't trust me......
Our heartfelt condolences go to LT down under. We can't really put what we want to say in words, but we all hope the funeral was a celebration of his life, the proposed family arrangements and contributions sounded like they were going to be truly wonderful.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Sunday 24 June 2018
Memory Foam Mattress
Mum has asked her number one son to write tonights blog post. Obviously you all know that it's me, Tom.
I asked what tone I should use and I was told 'informative'. On that note I'd like to inform everyone that we have a pin up of a shirtless Ross Poldark on the fridge. I don't know who put it there but I'd hazard a guess it was mum. No complaints though, for he is a beautiful man.
It was Jessies 6th birthday today, but unfortunately mum was not at home to celebrate it with her.
Mum was running a temperature last night and so a doctor was called for (the apple a day she has been eating has not been very proficient at keeping him away as of late). Unfortunately she was told in no uncertain terms that she had to go to hospital to be given some more serious IV antibiotics, for if she didn't she may very well be taking her chances in the night.
Understandably that news was quite unsettling, but we gave her a packet of tissues and many hugs and sent her on her way. She is a strong woman and although hospital isn't a great place, it's the lesser of two evils right now.
Mum found herself on a ward with a woman who I will call woman X. If you were wondering, the X stands for 'extremely annoying'. X is generally inconsiderate of others, but at least her incessant loud talking will give mum something else to think about.
This post is called memory foam mattress because apparently whilst on his visit today, Daniel pressed into mums leg (which is quite large due to fluid), and then claimed 'your leg is just like a memory foam mattress!'. Charming. Everyone has joined mum at some point today, as we've been taking it in shifts. Bex even managed to help mum get an hour of sleep this afternoon, which i know was greatly received as mum didn't get much last night.
We've got a meeting with a specialist tomorrow, and they'll attempt to improve her breathing by hopefully draining some of the fluid around her lungs. She might end up at hospice or even perhaps at home, as long as there are facilities to administer IV antibiotics three times a day. Breathing is still an issue, and she gets tired very quickly and needs to take regular breaks to catch her breath.
Mum is finding visitors quite exhausting. As a family we are having to manage our time carefully, as she not only has bouts of coughing, but periods where she needs to sleep, or just lie down and rest.
We're at a point right now where I am going to have to politely ask anyone who wishes to visit her to first ask a member of the family. This means visits to the Hospital, or at home in St Martin.
Whilst she loves you all, unexpected visits are not what she needs right now as her single brain cell is struggling to instruct her body to perform basic bodily functions like breathing, or, as a woman, nagging.
We all love her very much and are hoping to get her home over the next two days.
I asked what tone I should use and I was told 'informative'. On that note I'd like to inform everyone that we have a pin up of a shirtless Ross Poldark on the fridge. I don't know who put it there but I'd hazard a guess it was mum. No complaints though, for he is a beautiful man.
It was Jessies 6th birthday today, but unfortunately mum was not at home to celebrate it with her.
Mum was running a temperature last night and so a doctor was called for (the apple a day she has been eating has not been very proficient at keeping him away as of late). Unfortunately she was told in no uncertain terms that she had to go to hospital to be given some more serious IV antibiotics, for if she didn't she may very well be taking her chances in the night.
Understandably that news was quite unsettling, but we gave her a packet of tissues and many hugs and sent her on her way. She is a strong woman and although hospital isn't a great place, it's the lesser of two evils right now.
Mum found herself on a ward with a woman who I will call woman X. If you were wondering, the X stands for 'extremely annoying'. X is generally inconsiderate of others, but at least her incessant loud talking will give mum something else to think about.
This post is called memory foam mattress because apparently whilst on his visit today, Daniel pressed into mums leg (which is quite large due to fluid), and then claimed 'your leg is just like a memory foam mattress!'. Charming. Everyone has joined mum at some point today, as we've been taking it in shifts. Bex even managed to help mum get an hour of sleep this afternoon, which i know was greatly received as mum didn't get much last night.
We've got a meeting with a specialist tomorrow, and they'll attempt to improve her breathing by hopefully draining some of the fluid around her lungs. She might end up at hospice or even perhaps at home, as long as there are facilities to administer IV antibiotics three times a day. Breathing is still an issue, and she gets tired very quickly and needs to take regular breaks to catch her breath.
Mum is finding visitors quite exhausting. As a family we are having to manage our time carefully, as she not only has bouts of coughing, but periods where she needs to sleep, or just lie down and rest.
We're at a point right now where I am going to have to politely ask anyone who wishes to visit her to first ask a member of the family. This means visits to the Hospital, or at home in St Martin.
Whilst she loves you all, unexpected visits are not what she needs right now as her single brain cell is struggling to instruct her body to perform basic bodily functions like breathing, or, as a woman, nagging.
We all love her very much and are hoping to get her home over the next two days.
Friday 22 June 2018
Friday 22nd June 2018
I thought I'd start today's post with some cheerful pictures, surprisingly I'm really fed up of listing my ailments, as I'm sure most of you lot are reading them.
Men at work?
The dogs got taken to the groomers, they now looked trimmed, clean and sleek, sure that won't last long.
The husband was initiated in the art of supermarket shopping, he said he's been before, but I think that was 2017 and he needed updating. ( still managed to sneak two bottles of wine in the trolley mind you).
Got a new wing mirror fitted on my car, (smashed during the the Uk trip) and then toddled off to see the Racquet ball girls.
Lovely to see them, difficult to watch them play, but heartfelt hugs all round, especially large hug to ST, a very very special lady who is off to Boston to teach those Americans how to play racquetball properly, because despite what a few people may say she is THE BEST COACH (and friend) IN THE WORLD!!!!
This was followed by a long visit to Hospice, firstly to try and alleviate the lymph fluid issues, and secondly to try and give me some tips on how to 'breathe' when coughing. The shortness of breath is wearing, and at times frightening, so there are things you can do to help yourself.
The leaking legs ( cue disgusted face) are equally worrying, due to possible infection, and so multiple dressings were applied and some rather fetching dark brown stockings stretched up and pulled onto the tree-trunk thighs. Got that visual?
My carer arrived to take me home, and I needed to rest. Later that day the Hospice community councillor visited. Heavy weight questions needed asking and answering, did I have a DNR form in the house? (that's Do Not Resuscitate for those of you who hate acronyms....and DNR for those who don't want to know!!) Had I thought about where I would like to die? (Can't believe I actually held myself together for that one, although it was touch and go).
A locked box was put in the cupboard with future drugs that I might/will? need, so if a nurse comes in the middle of the night, its all to hand.
More waking than sleeping on Wednesday night left me tired and struggling, I did however have a lovely, sunny beach walk with Steve and the girls. I was tired and a little emotional all day.
We did manage to see friends briefly at lunchtime, but I wasn't on very good form. More resting, and then visitors, and a HUGE bouquet of flowers, and beautiful messages, and emails and kind texts and its all so very, very humbling.
THANK YOU just seems a bit inadequate.
I am sure my friends will forgive me for telling you this story, but I have been laughing (silently) all week and its definitely worth a share.
It was their daughter's birthday, and her boyfriend wanting to impress, baked lots of cupcakes, and then decorated them with iced letters spelling out "Happy 19th Birthday Emily". By all accounts they looked very professional.
Some time later, the husband goes into the kitchen to make a cup of tea, only to be greeted by two dogs, licking smears of cream and crumbs off their slobbery chops.
The birthday girl was then presented with a tray of cakes spelling out "app 9th irday ile" !!!!!!
Wednesday 20 June 2018
Making Sense of it All.
Our house is like a mini convent garden market , I have bouquets and arrangements of flowers everywhere ( I've almost run out of vases) and fruit, and biscuits and cakes and cards and gifts and meals rolling in, and visitors and more visitors and EVERYTHING.
Thank you!!!
All of this is appreciated, and you lot are being so NICE, stop it, I don't deserve all this attention. Please!
I read somewhere that you shouldn't start a sentence with "So".
Tuesday.
So, having made it through the night in my own bed, without having to decamp to the sofa with endless coughing fits/ toilet trips and wide awake panicking bits.... I literally dragged my dead legs into the shower and got dressed.
Frequent stops for breathing to ease. I lumped downstairs over an hour later. Everything was a huge effort but I was very keen to walk my girls, so the hubby with raised eyebrows and resigned look bowed to my wishes. I need a carer, so we went together .
Did I tell you when the handsome doctor was examining me and asked me if I had any stomach pain, I said "well, it is a bit tender here by my left hip " and Steve pipes up "that's probably when you fell over " . He was right. Didn't score any points with that doc , which is a shame because he was GORGEOUS ! He was also my sons age :-)
Really enjoyed the 'normality' of walking even with the laboured breathing and abysmally slow pace. I can only really do downhill , Bex collected us.
At home I plugged myself into my oxygen again, I have units downstairs and upstairs . I sleep with oxygen plugged in my nose all night, plus a vaporiser spewing out steamy air in regular bursts and a bedroom fan, whirling around constantly like a a robotic blind eye.........It is noisy, and not what you would consider to be the best entertainment of 'bedroom toys'.
Moving swiftly on, I crashed on the sofa with a coffee until Sue came to pick me up for my chemo appointment.
And here the tone of the blog post changes somewhat, I shuffled along the corridor like the old sick lady I've become ( I could hardly have the strength to get the childproof lock off my mouthwash last night- little weedy shrunken arms) . I went straight into to see the doc.
We looked at the X-rays I have had taken over the last three weeks, we talked about them, we talked about blood results and then we talked chemo .
I have only had two rounds of Taxol, and they were made up of 40ml and 60ml, a full dose would be 200ml once every three weeks. I am therefore having ' baby doses' , it is too early to say if the chemo is working yet, it usually takes three to four weeks.
I was told that I am going to die, whatever I decide to do, and it's my choice if I want to carry on with the taxol or just stop it.
A difficult decision, you'll agree .
Fortunately Sue was with me at this conjecture, and she was able to ask questions that I couldn't voice. We then unanimously decided that we had nothing to lose and would continue certainly this week with the chemo. I have nothing to lose. He did say it wouldn't be the chemo that would kill me, but the cancer.
There also probably won't be a change in the obese legs either . Lack of albumin which causes it, is a natural progression of the disease. In March When I was relatively fit and healthy my 'count ' was 42, today it is 27 and it shouldn't fall below 35.
WHAT DOES ALBUMIN DO?
Albumin performs many functions including maintaining the “osmotic pressure” that causes fluid to remain within the blood stream instead of leaking out into the tissues.
WHAT CAUSES ALBUMIN TO BE TOO LOW?
Liver disease, kidney disease, and malnutrition are the major causes of low albumin. A diseased liver produces insufficient albumin. Diseased kidneys sometimes lose large amounts of albumin into the urine faster than the liver can produce it (this is termed nephrotic syndrome). In malnutrition there is not enough protein in the patient’s diet for the liver to make new albumin from.
WHAT IS THE NORMAL LEVEL OF ALBUMIN?
The normal value depends on the laboratory running the test. Most labs consider roughly 3.5 to 5 grams per deciliter to be normal.
Make a bit more sense ? Not exactly good news.
I trundle off to No1 chair for my chemo , aware of the fitter looking three other patients that skip through the ward to get their infusions, mortified that I meekly accept the oxygen tubing up my nose to complete the picture of "the last chance saloon" image.
Lovely nurse Carol comes in from Raynor ward to chat, ( probably having given up her lunch break ) we talk about lots of things, she cheers me up.
She leaves. I ask my my oncology nurse, "who do I call if I spike a temperature or feel unwell this week"? . The doors swing open and the two Hospice 'girls' ( they'll like that mention .... They are in fact much , much older than girls ....) enter. Low and behold it's me they've come to see.
Heavy duty discussion ( at this point , Sue has very kindly offered to massage my feet, feet ? Fat sausages toes) I can't believe she's asked but accept ,that has to be love, even Steve draws the line on that!
I feel a little betwixt and between ... I am receiving palliative care, I am really under the care of Hospice . I have a telephone number I can call 24/7.
The doc mentioned it, my consultant mentioned it, hospice girls talked about it. As my time is limited I should not have to spend it waiting for hours in A and E, then to spend the night/nights on EAU, with cannula, drips and injections , nor should precious family time be wasted in sitting in corridors waiting for clinic appointments, blood tests etc.
As I understand it so far, the hope is that should I become unwell , firstly I call Hospice, someone will come out and assess me, and be able to give me a ' care package ' of sorts. So make me as comfortable as possible , bring down a temperature , offer pain relief , etc. All in my own home.
I can equally go into hospice, but should I need an actual doctor I will need to call my own one out , as they will not have doctors stationed at Hospice full time.
Obviously the hospice facilities are amazing, ( I know I visited my dying friend last year ) she said it was like a very posh hotel with great sea views . Mentally that's still a tough nut to crack.
Am I accepting this lying down ? No I'm not .
Actually I am sort of lying down, I'm in bed and it's 12:45am , writing this post up on my iPad .
Being born with only half a brain cell to my name , making any decisions has been tough of late , compounded by my lack of oxygen ( that's my excuse , I'm sticking to it. ) I have just remembered that I should have taken my highly powerful , make you feel rough, don't go in sunlight antibiotic.
Back into bed and I have successfully managed to wake my husband and daughter. Steve tells me that he has had a dream ..... I listen to him, expecting to hear some profound vision, possibly with angels. (?) well being and and a happy ending.
He is driving some old Lorries around St Peter and one breaks down, another friend of his also called Steve comes to his rescue bringing some spare fuses. My Steve on trying to fit them drops them on the ground and try as he might can't find them, he becomes more and more angry and frustrated, wishing that the other Steve would just give him more fuses. He wakes up.
This story ( and the way way he tells it ) makes me laugh, which in turns cause violent coughing. It's now 1am.
Any ' dream readers out there ??
Back to today ... I finish my chemo ( and fat foot rub), a quick change over of the "care team" in the car park , exit Sue, enter Sarah. She takes me home , via the shop , I need washing powder .
At home I find a real Angel, Baz has cooked us supper, complete meal of lemony chicken , new potatoes and green beans , love her, supper sorted .
My lovely other Angel LT has had to fly out to Australia , where her parents live , as her father is very ill. I send her my love and prayers .
Sarah meanwhile does a Mrs Doubtfire , strips beds, takes ironing, nearly cleaned the toilets(! Standing joke) and re arranged flower displays.
Sister in law and niece arrive with our shopping from the supermarket , niece scabs a free supper, I'm hungry too . This is is good, I haven't had much appetite, not really doing much exercise to warrant one except piling on the fluid.....
Steve gets home late and this evening we go to a Jersey Heritage site where some friends of ours are staying ... We watch the sun go down. It is beautiful .
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
Ps I know AH you probably made all those biscuits and energy balls at 2am !Thank you, and the fish pie was delicious . X
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thank you!!!
All of this is appreciated, and you lot are being so NICE, stop it, I don't deserve all this attention. Please!
I read somewhere that you shouldn't start a sentence with "So".
Tuesday.
So, having made it through the night in my own bed, without having to decamp to the sofa with endless coughing fits/ toilet trips and wide awake panicking bits.... I literally dragged my dead legs into the shower and got dressed.
Frequent stops for breathing to ease. I lumped downstairs over an hour later. Everything was a huge effort but I was very keen to walk my girls, so the hubby with raised eyebrows and resigned look bowed to my wishes. I need a carer, so we went together .
Did I tell you when the handsome doctor was examining me and asked me if I had any stomach pain, I said "well, it is a bit tender here by my left hip " and Steve pipes up "that's probably when you fell over " . He was right. Didn't score any points with that doc , which is a shame because he was GORGEOUS ! He was also my sons age :-)
Really enjoyed the 'normality' of walking even with the laboured breathing and abysmally slow pace. I can only really do downhill , Bex collected us.
At home I plugged myself into my oxygen again, I have units downstairs and upstairs . I sleep with oxygen plugged in my nose all night, plus a vaporiser spewing out steamy air in regular bursts and a bedroom fan, whirling around constantly like a a robotic blind eye.........It is noisy, and not what you would consider to be the best entertainment of 'bedroom toys'.
Moving swiftly on, I crashed on the sofa with a coffee until Sue came to pick me up for my chemo appointment.
And here the tone of the blog post changes somewhat, I shuffled along the corridor like the old sick lady I've become ( I could hardly have the strength to get the childproof lock off my mouthwash last night- little weedy shrunken arms) . I went straight into to see the doc.
We looked at the X-rays I have had taken over the last three weeks, we talked about them, we talked about blood results and then we talked chemo .
I have only had two rounds of Taxol, and they were made up of 40ml and 60ml, a full dose would be 200ml once every three weeks. I am therefore having ' baby doses' , it is too early to say if the chemo is working yet, it usually takes three to four weeks.
I was told that I am going to die, whatever I decide to do, and it's my choice if I want to carry on with the taxol or just stop it.
A difficult decision, you'll agree .
Fortunately Sue was with me at this conjecture, and she was able to ask questions that I couldn't voice. We then unanimously decided that we had nothing to lose and would continue certainly this week with the chemo. I have nothing to lose. He did say it wouldn't be the chemo that would kill me, but the cancer.
There also probably won't be a change in the obese legs either . Lack of albumin which causes it, is a natural progression of the disease. In March When I was relatively fit and healthy my 'count ' was 42, today it is 27 and it shouldn't fall below 35.
WHAT DOES ALBUMIN DO?
Albumin performs many functions including maintaining the “osmotic pressure” that causes fluid to remain within the blood stream instead of leaking out into the tissues.
WHAT CAUSES ALBUMIN TO BE TOO LOW?
Liver disease, kidney disease, and malnutrition are the major causes of low albumin. A diseased liver produces insufficient albumin. Diseased kidneys sometimes lose large amounts of albumin into the urine faster than the liver can produce it (this is termed nephrotic syndrome). In malnutrition there is not enough protein in the patient’s diet for the liver to make new albumin from.
WHAT IS THE NORMAL LEVEL OF ALBUMIN?
The normal value depends on the laboratory running the test. Most labs consider roughly 3.5 to 5 grams per deciliter to be normal.
Make a bit more sense ? Not exactly good news.
I trundle off to No1 chair for my chemo , aware of the fitter looking three other patients that skip through the ward to get their infusions, mortified that I meekly accept the oxygen tubing up my nose to complete the picture of "the last chance saloon" image.
Lovely nurse Carol comes in from Raynor ward to chat, ( probably having given up her lunch break ) we talk about lots of things, she cheers me up.
She leaves. I ask my my oncology nurse, "who do I call if I spike a temperature or feel unwell this week"? . The doors swing open and the two Hospice 'girls' ( they'll like that mention .... They are in fact much , much older than girls ....) enter. Low and behold it's me they've come to see.
Heavy duty discussion ( at this point , Sue has very kindly offered to massage my feet, feet ? Fat sausages toes) I can't believe she's asked but accept ,that has to be love, even Steve draws the line on that!
I feel a little betwixt and between ... I am receiving palliative care, I am really under the care of Hospice . I have a telephone number I can call 24/7.
The doc mentioned it, my consultant mentioned it, hospice girls talked about it. As my time is limited I should not have to spend it waiting for hours in A and E, then to spend the night/nights on EAU, with cannula, drips and injections , nor should precious family time be wasted in sitting in corridors waiting for clinic appointments, blood tests etc.
As I understand it so far, the hope is that should I become unwell , firstly I call Hospice, someone will come out and assess me, and be able to give me a ' care package ' of sorts. So make me as comfortable as possible , bring down a temperature , offer pain relief , etc. All in my own home.
I can equally go into hospice, but should I need an actual doctor I will need to call my own one out , as they will not have doctors stationed at Hospice full time.
Obviously the hospice facilities are amazing, ( I know I visited my dying friend last year ) she said it was like a very posh hotel with great sea views . Mentally that's still a tough nut to crack.
Am I accepting this lying down ? No I'm not .
Actually I am sort of lying down, I'm in bed and it's 12:45am , writing this post up on my iPad .
Being born with only half a brain cell to my name , making any decisions has been tough of late , compounded by my lack of oxygen ( that's my excuse , I'm sticking to it. ) I have just remembered that I should have taken my highly powerful , make you feel rough, don't go in sunlight antibiotic.
Back into bed and I have successfully managed to wake my husband and daughter. Steve tells me that he has had a dream ..... I listen to him, expecting to hear some profound vision, possibly with angels. (?) well being and and a happy ending.
He is driving some old Lorries around St Peter and one breaks down, another friend of his also called Steve comes to his rescue bringing some spare fuses. My Steve on trying to fit them drops them on the ground and try as he might can't find them, he becomes more and more angry and frustrated, wishing that the other Steve would just give him more fuses. He wakes up.
This story ( and the way way he tells it ) makes me laugh, which in turns cause violent coughing. It's now 1am.
Any ' dream readers out there ??
Back to today ... I finish my chemo ( and fat foot rub), a quick change over of the "care team" in the car park , exit Sue, enter Sarah. She takes me home , via the shop , I need washing powder .
At home I find a real Angel, Baz has cooked us supper, complete meal of lemony chicken , new potatoes and green beans , love her, supper sorted .
My lovely other Angel LT has had to fly out to Australia , where her parents live , as her father is very ill. I send her my love and prayers .
Sarah meanwhile does a Mrs Doubtfire , strips beds, takes ironing, nearly cleaned the toilets(! Standing joke) and re arranged flower displays.
Sister in law and niece arrive with our shopping from the supermarket , niece scabs a free supper, I'm hungry too . This is is good, I haven't had much appetite, not really doing much exercise to warrant one except piling on the fluid.....
Steve gets home late and this evening we go to a Jersey Heritage site where some friends of ours are staying ... We watch the sun go down. It is beautiful .
God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,
and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.
Ps I know AH you probably made all those biscuits and energy balls at 2am !Thank you, and the fish pie was delicious . X
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Monday 18 June 2018
Can't keep me away.....
Saturday morning I decided i needed my energy to watch the forthcoming netball tournament so didn't walk the girls, picked up my sister instead. (I'm not making a joke about that )
The tournament was AMAZING and fortunately the rain held off, the matches were on outside courts so it needed to stay dry.
Loads of players, some who were netballars, some who had played a bit, and some who thought they were at a tennis match and there was serving involved....
It was a lovely atmosphere, and despite a few falls.... ( yes, even in walking netball) , or were they deliberate pushes?, and a scant understanding of the rules, they all seem to have a good time.
Of course it couldn't have gone ahead without the organisers, umpires , table scorers and tea makers.
Having never really watched how the game was played I was intrigued. Absolutely no jumping, four seconds with the ball, and definitely no running.
It was hilarious. Particularly difficult for the natural netball players. Half the fun in netball is being able to run and jump ( or is that just me?) .
There were some very red determined faces, quite a few constipated fast chicken walks, and much laughter.
On the day over £500 was raised, which is incredible in itself, but what's more amazing is the number keeps rising, I think it stands at £900+. I am blown away by people's generosity and kindness.
More awareness has to be raised of Ovarian cancer, the fifth most common cancer, and sadly nearly always detected late on, meaning the survival rate is low. Ovacome is only a small UK charity , but has been running the longest and is the only one that has an online chat forum. I have found this very useful in corresponding with like minded ladies in a similar condition to myself.
Then my sister had to leave for the airport.
That's the trouble when family/friends come....... They have to leave .....
I can't remember what happened Saturday afternoon,... Lots of visitors , cups of tea, sitting , trying to talk, coughing, lumping fat legs on and off the sofa ... All the usual Saturday afternoon entertainment.
My daughter and daughter in law especially have been wonderful . Massaging cream in my disgusting swollen , lymphy legs , making drinks , tidying up, nagging, shopping, etc none of which is in the job description, but done with real care and compassion.
This coupled with the huge spontaneous hugs I get from my boys is all sometimes too much, and tears flow.
Although Jack does think I'm faking it all and calls me sick note.
As for my poor long suffering husband, seriously where would I be without him? He is mostly annoyed and frustrated with me for generally not doing what I'm told, matched with trying to lift my spirits , make me laugh ( cough) and complying to my outrageous wishes, even against his better judgement .
Sunday morning I was keen to walk the girls, Jessie with her little stub tail bandaged up. I thought it would be nice to go through St Catherine's woods, it's downhill from our place.
We set off over the fields. Me with my large Michelin legs in a semi waddle. Steve turns to me says be careful as the ground is very uneven, as he turns back, I stick my left foot in a hole, lose my balance and as if in slow motion tumble forward in an ungainly face plant, narrowly missing the stinging nettles.
He picks me up, I take five minutes catching my breath, no breath to laugh, but the absurdity of the whole situation I find myself in makes me want to.
We carry on, and we have a lovely walk, ( pictures to follow ). Jess is happy, against vets advice we let her off the lead, we go into the woods , I think it's best she doesn't go in the stream . She goes in the stream. Sits down .
We blame each other, she gets up , shakes herself , a little flick of the stubby tail and the bandage pings off. Actually the wound is dry and clean and looks good.
Back home I take it easy, I've been told to rest, I'm very tired. Waking at 4:30am every day plus disturbed nights, I can't survive on such little sleep.
Settling down for a sleep upstairs , I heard a bang... A kind of car accident type 'bang'. A short time later I investigate , and sure enough a young girl driving along our lane had just clipped our wall,which had spun her car around and ended up facing across the road.
As it happens Steve was in the garden mowing the lawn, he went straight to her and as ther was smoke, ( airbag had gone off) checked she was ok ( fortunately bad bruising as it turned out ) and got her out. Dan called the emergency services . Bex did the reassurance and calming talk. Jack/ Tom and Steve helped the guys remove the vehicle after all the measurements etc had been taken.
The young lady has just dropped in a lovely thank you note, flowers and chocolates . She had bruised knees, collar bone and hip I think, but had been at work today, so luckily all ok.
I was really tired all day, so do very little in the afternoon, visitors.
Late afternoon I feel shivery , tell no one. We are off to my sister in laws for supper - it's Father's Day after all. Everyone is looking forward to it.
I manage a bit of supper , it's a struggle , talking, eating . I tell Bex, I think I have a temperature. Word gets about. We go home .
I do indeed have a temperature, 1,000g paracetamol.
Discussions , Spanish Inquisition , six people in my kitchen with very serious, concerned faces.
I needed a full body inspection to see if they could find the site of infection that would cause a temperature ... They duly lined up.....
Seen the Greatest Showman? If you haven't you won't know about the freak show, but I'm far more impressive than the bearded lady.
Told them to all bag their heads, I was watching Poldark first and then I might go into A And E.
Of course I was overruled. We called Oncology . We called the hospital ward. I packed my bag.
Straight into A and E, enormous hugs from two lovely paramedics GV and NF, who happened to be on duty, that cheered me up.
Joked with same doctor from last week that I had missed her, saw another doctor, booked in for a chest scan . Lots of blood taken, cannula fitted (!)
By 1:30am I was ensconced back on EAU , and a very tired husband was released to go home... Last seen wandering around the hospital trying to find an exit route .
This morning, two more sets of bloods taken from different veins.... I have been prescribed very strong antibiotics orally ( don't know why I had temperature / infection ). Not a lot they can do for the legs.... Light support.
Apparently the low albumin which causes the fluid in the legs , is a progression of the disease. Fab.
Allowed to leave hospital late morning.... Jack once again on hand, and then back home made me a very delicious poached egg on toast . #respect.
Chemo tomorrow ?????
Dan has just told me I remind him of someone.... Oh yes, he remembers now, Charlie and the chocolate factory ...... Violet Beauregarde? She ends up being blown up like an enormous blueberry and floats off up the tube.
"She is only able to waddle a little bit due to her enormous girth, and Wonka tells the Oompa Loompas to roll her to the juicing room to extract the blueberry juice immediately , implying that she will explode if nothing is done about the problem.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
The tournament was AMAZING and fortunately the rain held off, the matches were on outside courts so it needed to stay dry.
Loads of players, some who were netballars, some who had played a bit, and some who thought they were at a tennis match and there was serving involved....
It was a lovely atmosphere, and despite a few falls.... ( yes, even in walking netball) , or were they deliberate pushes?, and a scant understanding of the rules, they all seem to have a good time.
Of course it couldn't have gone ahead without the organisers, umpires , table scorers and tea makers.
Having never really watched how the game was played I was intrigued. Absolutely no jumping, four seconds with the ball, and definitely no running.
It was hilarious. Particularly difficult for the natural netball players. Half the fun in netball is being able to run and jump ( or is that just me?) .
There were some very red determined faces, quite a few constipated fast chicken walks, and much laughter.
On the day over £500 was raised, which is incredible in itself, but what's more amazing is the number keeps rising, I think it stands at £900+. I am blown away by people's generosity and kindness.
More awareness has to be raised of Ovarian cancer, the fifth most common cancer, and sadly nearly always detected late on, meaning the survival rate is low. Ovacome is only a small UK charity , but has been running the longest and is the only one that has an online chat forum. I have found this very useful in corresponding with like minded ladies in a similar condition to myself.
Then my sister had to leave for the airport.
That's the trouble when family/friends come....... They have to leave .....
I can't remember what happened Saturday afternoon,... Lots of visitors , cups of tea, sitting , trying to talk, coughing, lumping fat legs on and off the sofa ... All the usual Saturday afternoon entertainment.
My daughter and daughter in law especially have been wonderful . Massaging cream in my disgusting swollen , lymphy legs , making drinks , tidying up, nagging, shopping, etc none of which is in the job description, but done with real care and compassion.
This coupled with the huge spontaneous hugs I get from my boys is all sometimes too much, and tears flow.
Although Jack does think I'm faking it all and calls me sick note.
As for my poor long suffering husband, seriously where would I be without him? He is mostly annoyed and frustrated with me for generally not doing what I'm told, matched with trying to lift my spirits , make me laugh ( cough) and complying to my outrageous wishes, even against his better judgement .
Sunday morning I was keen to walk the girls, Jessie with her little stub tail bandaged up. I thought it would be nice to go through St Catherine's woods, it's downhill from our place.
We set off over the fields. Me with my large Michelin legs in a semi waddle. Steve turns to me says be careful as the ground is very uneven, as he turns back, I stick my left foot in a hole, lose my balance and as if in slow motion tumble forward in an ungainly face plant, narrowly missing the stinging nettles.
He picks me up, I take five minutes catching my breath, no breath to laugh, but the absurdity of the whole situation I find myself in makes me want to.
We carry on, and we have a lovely walk, ( pictures to follow ). Jess is happy, against vets advice we let her off the lead, we go into the woods , I think it's best she doesn't go in the stream . She goes in the stream. Sits down .
We blame each other, she gets up , shakes herself , a little flick of the stubby tail and the bandage pings off. Actually the wound is dry and clean and looks good.
Back home I take it easy, I've been told to rest, I'm very tired. Waking at 4:30am every day plus disturbed nights, I can't survive on such little sleep.
Settling down for a sleep upstairs , I heard a bang... A kind of car accident type 'bang'. A short time later I investigate , and sure enough a young girl driving along our lane had just clipped our wall,which had spun her car around and ended up facing across the road.
As it happens Steve was in the garden mowing the lawn, he went straight to her and as ther was smoke, ( airbag had gone off) checked she was ok ( fortunately bad bruising as it turned out ) and got her out. Dan called the emergency services . Bex did the reassurance and calming talk. Jack/ Tom and Steve helped the guys remove the vehicle after all the measurements etc had been taken.
The young lady has just dropped in a lovely thank you note, flowers and chocolates . She had bruised knees, collar bone and hip I think, but had been at work today, so luckily all ok.
I was really tired all day, so do very little in the afternoon, visitors.
Late afternoon I feel shivery , tell no one. We are off to my sister in laws for supper - it's Father's Day after all. Everyone is looking forward to it.
I manage a bit of supper , it's a struggle , talking, eating . I tell Bex, I think I have a temperature. Word gets about. We go home .
I do indeed have a temperature, 1,000g paracetamol.
Discussions , Spanish Inquisition , six people in my kitchen with very serious, concerned faces.
I needed a full body inspection to see if they could find the site of infection that would cause a temperature ... They duly lined up.....
Seen the Greatest Showman? If you haven't you won't know about the freak show, but I'm far more impressive than the bearded lady.
Told them to all bag their heads, I was watching Poldark first and then I might go into A And E.
Of course I was overruled. We called Oncology . We called the hospital ward. I packed my bag.
Straight into A and E, enormous hugs from two lovely paramedics GV and NF, who happened to be on duty, that cheered me up.
Joked with same doctor from last week that I had missed her, saw another doctor, booked in for a chest scan . Lots of blood taken, cannula fitted (!)
By 1:30am I was ensconced back on EAU , and a very tired husband was released to go home... Last seen wandering around the hospital trying to find an exit route .
This morning, two more sets of bloods taken from different veins.... I have been prescribed very strong antibiotics orally ( don't know why I had temperature / infection ). Not a lot they can do for the legs.... Light support.
Apparently the low albumin which causes the fluid in the legs , is a progression of the disease. Fab.
Allowed to leave hospital late morning.... Jack once again on hand, and then back home made me a very delicious poached egg on toast . #respect.
Chemo tomorrow ?????
Dan has just told me I remind him of someone.... Oh yes, he remembers now, Charlie and the chocolate factory ...... Violet Beauregarde? She ends up being blown up like an enormous blueberry and floats off up the tube.
"She is only able to waddle a little bit due to her enormous girth, and Wonka tells the Oompa Loompas to roll her to the juicing room to extract the blueberry juice immediately , implying that she will explode if nothing is done about the problem.
Sunday walk.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Friday 15 June 2018
Sally, syringes, sedatives and sea!!
Continuing on from Tuesday evening... the sushi by the way was lovely, and a real treat for me to have three children and a husband to share it with. We did chose to eat it in the day room, hardly fair on the other patients.
Oh, and I'm going to tell you this, which made me laugh, (which sadly I can't do, as it results in a massive coughing fit,) but anyway, black humour and all that.
As I wasn't really on a proper ward, cleaners were in and out at random times, and at one point they had to do a 'deep clean', including taking curtains down and throwing a lot of bleach around. I could hear the three ladies in the next bay moving beds, laughing and generally getting on with the task in hand.
Of course there was I in the adjoining bay, sitting in my chair chatting to Bex, and on cue as they were rounding the corner I had a massive coughing fit, (this was pre drain). Sudden loud shouts of "who's dying, who's dying" bounced off the walls. As I was the only person in the ward at the time, I of course put my hand up, "that'll be me then", almost simultaneously the poor cleaner, looking totally mortified realising her massive error said "joking, only Joking! You have to laugh.
As I had finished supper, the nurse came back in to turn the drain back on, fine i thought. Within ten minutes or so I was in quite a lot of discomfort, and so decided to head back to the ward. I could hardly walk along the corridor, sharp stabbing pains in my chest, pain ripping up my arms, shoulders neck. The nurses saw my sorry state and decided morphine, and paracetamol.
As the fluid drains, the lungs attempt to work, and air fills the space, and we all know what pain trapped air can cause, plus the actual needle in the ribs is an irritant in itself causing issues. ( I have just learnt from the hospice nurse that as the fluid in the lung decreases the tubing drain wriggles about causing massive irritation as it bashes around the now drying lung, similar pain to someone suffering from pleurisy).
The drain stayed open all night, I tried not to move much, I cant anyway, I sleep sitting propped upright with oxygen up my nose. Not the best night's sleep.
Early next morning I felt sort of ok, keen to get washed as best as I could I used the bathroom facilities, but by the time I got back to my bed the pain was once again quite intense. My lovely nurse seeing my distress, quickly set too with more pain relief. Every time i took a breath it was agony, i was coughing and had to hold the drain sight as it was so painful. The bag needed emptying, so that was another 600ml of liquid. The pain was still building.
I realised I was rocking, whimpering, and crying, unable to stop myself, what a mess. Within a minute the doctor was trying to examine this snivelling, spluttering, sorry state of a patient. She said she'd organised another chest scan, suspecting possible pneumothorax (collapsed lung).
Another nurse meanwhile had just arrived and turned off the drain. A minute later the pain abated, to just a mild discomfort...... blessed relief.
What a start to the day. Off I went for a chest x ray, I did ask if I could walk down, but was told no, as I had a drain! Arriving back to my bed I found Jack waiting, ready with a coffee. Bless him.
Troop of doctors did the rounds, none of whom I recognised. At least I had a name given by the 'leader', and upon realising I had had the chest X Ray went to check it. Came back and said, fine take the drain out, and said its best to have a short course of antibiotics. Risk of infection with the drain, plus low immune system with the chemo ( keep forgetting I've had chemo).
Half an hour later another doctor arrived (no name) pulled the curtain, had the sister with her, and set about with little instruction to remove the drain/needle. To complicate it further I am allergic to some sticking plasters, so the Sister had to scrap around and find sterile strips. Just as well Jack was there with a hand to hold, and talked any old nonsense as a distraction.
Drain removed, stuck with strips and wrapped up in a crepe bandage I recovered on my bed. Steve arrives. We chat a bit, the Sister comes around , we inquire about a 'release' time ( its now 11am) . We have to wait for the prescription for antibiotics from the pharmacy, probably after lunch .
That went down well with me as you can imagine.
I wasn't the only one who was keen to leave, and I think the Sister had had enough of me, so we left, promising to pick up the prescription later.
It was so nice to be outside in fresh air, sun on my face, I really don't like hospitals!
Back home I tried to put washing on, unpack my bag and potter, I had a twenty minute warning from Jack, I needed to rest. He made my lunch, and I duly sat down (fat, sore, swollen legs , plural now, elevated), when the kitchen door opened....
Who was it , my best friend bringing my SISTER.... What!!! Outrageous, how did I know nothing about this?? Apparently the look I gave her was something else.
That was obviously before we both dissolved in floods of tears!!!!
Later Wednesday afternoon I had arranged for two lovely Ministers to come and see me about planning and discussing my funeral. I like to be a little different, so our lovely Methodist NH-J and our Church of England Rev'd HG, popped by.
I had valuable input from all those present, including, Sue, Bex, Steve, & Sally, plenty of things to think about, readings, hymns and best of all, working together - I loved that.
Family supper followed, again more team work (not me, still resting)Steph the "super organiser and sister bringer over" sorted supper and a big thank you to LT's son who kindly made us home made popadoms , and brought them round with chutneys, and a box of beer! Winner winner chicken dinner!!
We don't have a spare bed as Tom's friend is staying as they have their best friends wedding on Saturday, but its ok, because sister-in-law has stepped in, and my sister is sleeping there. She says she prefers it as I can't boss her about and give her more jobs!
It was nice to sleep in my own bed, only one wretched coughing attack in which I managed to wake up daughter as well as husband. In fact my swollen legs are giving me more grief than being short of breath, the lymph fluid is causing tightness, pain, and difficulty with mobility.
Anyway, I reckon walking is good for me, so Sally and I took the dogs, it was downhill. Steve picked me up , so I didnt have to walk back uphill. Then we had to take Jess back to the vet, she was still unhappy tail chewing, and worrying it. We looked at the X ray, (honestly, if it's not me it's the dog) she really had damaged it, and the only way to fix the problem was amputation . She was booked in today (Friday).
Another trip to the supermarket, bumping into at least five people I knew, and a chat with each and lovely hugs from them all. By the time we got back I was a little tired, and i'm afraid, a bit emotional. Steve, Sal, Jack, and Dan all looking after me, and me slumped on the sofa, oxygen machine switched on, (did I say we have two oxygen tanks?) , grossly fat legs, coughing, gaping hole in my side, no strength, no energy and intensely overwhelmed by the enormity of what had become of me.
Quick slap to the face and it was all sorted.......Ok, actually a few big hugs and sensible words.
I started this blog post.
SH and TH came over and walked Beanie, Jess was on medication so was a bit wobbly, ready for Fridays operation, so was happy to stay at home. Sal and I went to Ransoms to buy a wedding gift.
Quick catch up with the H's and then lovely JP came to see me after work, lots of talking. I have to learn to speak quietly ( yes, all have a laugh at my expense), and not try to continue to talk when I'm coughing. I should have an appointment next week with Hospice Respiratory / physio teams, practical advice.
Another family supper, this time HUGE thanks to SP, who provided a delicious meal, with pudding enough to feed more than 6 people, and all Steve had to do was nip down the road and collect. SO KIND.
Tired.
This morning I picked Sal up at 8am, i felt a bit stronger today, both mentally and physically, ( bar the troublesome legs) and even did a bit of wiping down surfaces, and general tidying up. We took Jess to the vet ....
With tail.....Jess, not Sal.
Very sad, we loved her big whippy, waggy tail.
Followed that up by a trip to B and Q looking for a small bistro set for conservatory, they had 248 chairs and no tables.....
Followed that by a visit to Acorn Nursery (cue another lovely hug from a male SP, not the cook), and much plant choosing, and a bit of coffee drinking.
At home I sat outside (with my legs up) overseeing the planting operation, waiting for JN to pick up the Ovacome stuff for tomorrow ( explain later) and the Hospice councillor to visit.
Dan comes outside, inspects my legs... "Mum, they're oozing liquid" What! How disgusting, even though I vehemently deny it, I see that he is indeed right. They are blistering up with so much fluid. I am equally appalled and annoyed.
Hospice arrive, we discuss legs, I need to moisturise, exercise, and elevate, and speak to Oncology on Tuesday at next chemo. We talk drain hole repairs... of the chest, I didnt get a follow up plan from the hospital. ( My Steph's on the case)
I said I was going for a paddle in the sea , she said it would probably do the legs good, hospice lady not Steph, I whole heartedly agreed!
I persuaded Steve to drive us down to la Coupe, my sister was on life guard duty, I couldn't swim due to chest wound , but at least paddle. It was GORGEOUS. My balance is affected too, so i was careful, but it felt lovely to be in the water.
Later today a truly lovely lady that i have only met at the yoga classes at Macmillan came around to help me out with trying a different diet that will enable the body to not only deal with chemo better, but to help heal itself. I have known of this particular food preparation for some time, but felt it was too complicated for me to introduce. SG not only talked about it, but demonstrated how easy to prepare and showed us how, as well as leaving most of the ingredients.
I have nothing to lose by trying this, and if it helps make me feel better....
Lastly, tomorrow morning at Oakfield my netball club have organised a "walking netball tournament", in aid of my chosen charity - Ovacome. Apparently seven teams have entered. From what I can ascertain some are netballers from my club, some netballers from other clubs, but quite a few teams seem to be made up 'friends, and neighbours of Jill".
I'm not sure if some of them have even really played netball since school days (this doesn't matter of course, the emphasis is on involving everyone and having fun.
I will be there.......most probably as a blubbering roly poly, heavy breathing lump sat on chair, totally humbled by this huge show of love and friendship. I wish I could describe to you my appreciation, words for once fail me.
Finally.... and if you still happen to be reading ......
Six inches is a lot.....for a dog.....
Oh, and I'm going to tell you this, which made me laugh, (which sadly I can't do, as it results in a massive coughing fit,) but anyway, black humour and all that.
As I wasn't really on a proper ward, cleaners were in and out at random times, and at one point they had to do a 'deep clean', including taking curtains down and throwing a lot of bleach around. I could hear the three ladies in the next bay moving beds, laughing and generally getting on with the task in hand.
Of course there was I in the adjoining bay, sitting in my chair chatting to Bex, and on cue as they were rounding the corner I had a massive coughing fit, (this was pre drain). Sudden loud shouts of "who's dying, who's dying" bounced off the walls. As I was the only person in the ward at the time, I of course put my hand up, "that'll be me then", almost simultaneously the poor cleaner, looking totally mortified realising her massive error said "joking, only Joking! You have to laugh.
As I had finished supper, the nurse came back in to turn the drain back on, fine i thought. Within ten minutes or so I was in quite a lot of discomfort, and so decided to head back to the ward. I could hardly walk along the corridor, sharp stabbing pains in my chest, pain ripping up my arms, shoulders neck. The nurses saw my sorry state and decided morphine, and paracetamol.
As the fluid drains, the lungs attempt to work, and air fills the space, and we all know what pain trapped air can cause, plus the actual needle in the ribs is an irritant in itself causing issues. ( I have just learnt from the hospice nurse that as the fluid in the lung decreases the tubing drain wriggles about causing massive irritation as it bashes around the now drying lung, similar pain to someone suffering from pleurisy).
The drain stayed open all night, I tried not to move much, I cant anyway, I sleep sitting propped upright with oxygen up my nose. Not the best night's sleep.
Early next morning I felt sort of ok, keen to get washed as best as I could I used the bathroom facilities, but by the time I got back to my bed the pain was once again quite intense. My lovely nurse seeing my distress, quickly set too with more pain relief. Every time i took a breath it was agony, i was coughing and had to hold the drain sight as it was so painful. The bag needed emptying, so that was another 600ml of liquid. The pain was still building.
I realised I was rocking, whimpering, and crying, unable to stop myself, what a mess. Within a minute the doctor was trying to examine this snivelling, spluttering, sorry state of a patient. She said she'd organised another chest scan, suspecting possible pneumothorax (collapsed lung).
Another nurse meanwhile had just arrived and turned off the drain. A minute later the pain abated, to just a mild discomfort...... blessed relief.
What a start to the day. Off I went for a chest x ray, I did ask if I could walk down, but was told no, as I had a drain! Arriving back to my bed I found Jack waiting, ready with a coffee. Bless him.
Troop of doctors did the rounds, none of whom I recognised. At least I had a name given by the 'leader', and upon realising I had had the chest X Ray went to check it. Came back and said, fine take the drain out, and said its best to have a short course of antibiotics. Risk of infection with the drain, plus low immune system with the chemo ( keep forgetting I've had chemo).
Half an hour later another doctor arrived (no name) pulled the curtain, had the sister with her, and set about with little instruction to remove the drain/needle. To complicate it further I am allergic to some sticking plasters, so the Sister had to scrap around and find sterile strips. Just as well Jack was there with a hand to hold, and talked any old nonsense as a distraction.
Drain removed, stuck with strips and wrapped up in a crepe bandage I recovered on my bed. Steve arrives. We chat a bit, the Sister comes around , we inquire about a 'release' time ( its now 11am) . We have to wait for the prescription for antibiotics from the pharmacy, probably after lunch .
That went down well with me as you can imagine.
I wasn't the only one who was keen to leave, and I think the Sister had had enough of me, so we left, promising to pick up the prescription later.
It was so nice to be outside in fresh air, sun on my face, I really don't like hospitals!
Back home I tried to put washing on, unpack my bag and potter, I had a twenty minute warning from Jack, I needed to rest. He made my lunch, and I duly sat down (fat, sore, swollen legs , plural now, elevated), when the kitchen door opened....
Who was it , my best friend bringing my SISTER.... What!!! Outrageous, how did I know nothing about this?? Apparently the look I gave her was something else.
That was obviously before we both dissolved in floods of tears!!!!
Later Wednesday afternoon I had arranged for two lovely Ministers to come and see me about planning and discussing my funeral. I like to be a little different, so our lovely Methodist NH-J and our Church of England Rev'd HG, popped by.
I had valuable input from all those present, including, Sue, Bex, Steve, & Sally, plenty of things to think about, readings, hymns and best of all, working together - I loved that.
Family supper followed, again more team work (not me, still resting)Steph the "super organiser and sister bringer over" sorted supper and a big thank you to LT's son who kindly made us home made popadoms , and brought them round with chutneys, and a box of beer! Winner winner chicken dinner!!
We don't have a spare bed as Tom's friend is staying as they have their best friends wedding on Saturday, but its ok, because sister-in-law has stepped in, and my sister is sleeping there. She says she prefers it as I can't boss her about and give her more jobs!
It was nice to sleep in my own bed, only one wretched coughing attack in which I managed to wake up daughter as well as husband. In fact my swollen legs are giving me more grief than being short of breath, the lymph fluid is causing tightness, pain, and difficulty with mobility.
Anyway, I reckon walking is good for me, so Sally and I took the dogs, it was downhill. Steve picked me up , so I didnt have to walk back uphill. Then we had to take Jess back to the vet, she was still unhappy tail chewing, and worrying it. We looked at the X ray, (honestly, if it's not me it's the dog) she really had damaged it, and the only way to fix the problem was amputation . She was booked in today (Friday).
Another trip to the supermarket, bumping into at least five people I knew, and a chat with each and lovely hugs from them all. By the time we got back I was a little tired, and i'm afraid, a bit emotional. Steve, Sal, Jack, and Dan all looking after me, and me slumped on the sofa, oxygen machine switched on, (did I say we have two oxygen tanks?) , grossly fat legs, coughing, gaping hole in my side, no strength, no energy and intensely overwhelmed by the enormity of what had become of me.
Quick slap to the face and it was all sorted.......Ok, actually a few big hugs and sensible words.
I started this blog post.
SH and TH came over and walked Beanie, Jess was on medication so was a bit wobbly, ready for Fridays operation, so was happy to stay at home. Sal and I went to Ransoms to buy a wedding gift.
Quick catch up with the H's and then lovely JP came to see me after work, lots of talking. I have to learn to speak quietly ( yes, all have a laugh at my expense), and not try to continue to talk when I'm coughing. I should have an appointment next week with Hospice Respiratory / physio teams, practical advice.
Another family supper, this time HUGE thanks to SP, who provided a delicious meal, with pudding enough to feed more than 6 people, and all Steve had to do was nip down the road and collect. SO KIND.
Tired.
This morning I picked Sal up at 8am, i felt a bit stronger today, both mentally and physically, ( bar the troublesome legs) and even did a bit of wiping down surfaces, and general tidying up. We took Jess to the vet ....
Very sad, we loved her big whippy, waggy tail.
Followed that up by a trip to B and Q looking for a small bistro set for conservatory, they had 248 chairs and no tables.....
Followed that by a visit to Acorn Nursery (cue another lovely hug from a male SP, not the cook), and much plant choosing, and a bit of coffee drinking.
At home I sat outside (with my legs up) overseeing the planting operation, waiting for JN to pick up the Ovacome stuff for tomorrow ( explain later) and the Hospice councillor to visit.
Dan comes outside, inspects my legs... "Mum, they're oozing liquid" What! How disgusting, even though I vehemently deny it, I see that he is indeed right. They are blistering up with so much fluid. I am equally appalled and annoyed.
Hospice arrive, we discuss legs, I need to moisturise, exercise, and elevate, and speak to Oncology on Tuesday at next chemo. We talk drain hole repairs... of the chest, I didnt get a follow up plan from the hospital. ( My Steph's on the case)
I said I was going for a paddle in the sea , she said it would probably do the legs good, hospice lady not Steph, I whole heartedly agreed!
I persuaded Steve to drive us down to la Coupe, my sister was on life guard duty, I couldn't swim due to chest wound , but at least paddle. It was GORGEOUS. My balance is affected too, so i was careful, but it felt lovely to be in the water.
Later today a truly lovely lady that i have only met at the yoga classes at Macmillan came around to help me out with trying a different diet that will enable the body to not only deal with chemo better, but to help heal itself. I have known of this particular food preparation for some time, but felt it was too complicated for me to introduce. SG not only talked about it, but demonstrated how easy to prepare and showed us how, as well as leaving most of the ingredients.
I have nothing to lose by trying this, and if it helps make me feel better....
Lastly, tomorrow morning at Oakfield my netball club have organised a "walking netball tournament", in aid of my chosen charity - Ovacome. Apparently seven teams have entered. From what I can ascertain some are netballers from my club, some netballers from other clubs, but quite a few teams seem to be made up 'friends, and neighbours of Jill".
I'm not sure if some of them have even really played netball since school days (this doesn't matter of course, the emphasis is on involving everyone and having fun.
I will be there.......most probably as a blubbering roly poly, heavy breathing lump sat on chair, totally humbled by this huge show of love and friendship. I wish I could describe to you my appreciation, words for once fail me.
Finally.... and if you still happen to be reading ......
Six inches is a lot.....for a dog.....
Tuesday 12 June 2018
A post from EAU Jersey General Hospital
Yesterday morning I went off to Hospice so the kindly nurse could try and massage some of this lymph fluid in my leg and ease it a bit .
In the last few weeks I seem to have put on 4kg and it's not food..... A much extended stomach ( clothes don't fit ) and a vastly swollen left leg. Very attractive .
Jack was on mum siting duties, and so we had a list, obviously , I like to take full advantage of my children's generous offers of care.
After running errands involving buying petrol, dog food and popping into the garage we ended up at the vet .... With Jessie.
She had been chewing the end of her tail all weekend , and I thought maybe she's got a thorn imbedded, or an infection of some sort.
The vet said that really to get a better look she needed an X-ray , and they would keep her in ... And so we left a very reluctant dog at the vet.
A supermarket sweep, followed, and that was insightful , fair few things put in the trolley that I hadn't planned.
Back home and I was really tired, disappointedly so, everything was an effort and breathing was particularly tough.
After lunch Steve and I had an appointment at the bank, and so we headed into town. The short walk from the car park to the building I had to take really slowly , and struggled to catch my breath. Really not good.
I dropped him off to St Catherine's and drove home, by this time I was truly exhausted , but couldn't understand why I felt so bad.
The vet rang, they'd done the X Ray on Jessie , whilst the tail wasn't broken it was severely damaged. What did I want to to do? Either strap it up as best they could and put her on a course of anti inflammatories, or amputate ?
I couldn't make a decision on wether I wanted a cup of tea or not, let alone if my lovely Jessie needed to lose her greatest asset.
I asked the vet advice, and it was deemed better at the moment to give her a course of antibiotics / anti inflammatory drugs and wrap her tail in a bright blue bandage . If this didn't work, she need amputation .
My daughter in law came home, took one look at me, did my sats, oxygen level really low. Steve called Hospice, they contacted the doctor. Within half an hour he arrived and ran through some tests. He wasn't happy, the swelling in the leg, the fluid in the lungs , struggling to breathe . Hospital .
Off we went, ( an overnight bag packed ) . I knew I wasn't good, extremely tired, weepy, breathless and generally pretty miserable and truth be told scared .
Admitted, cannula fitted, bloods taken, chest scan, ECG , abdomen scan, paperwork, questions , tests etc. All very efficient, but equally so kind and compassionate.
I think it's the worst I've felt .... Ever. I was so low, talking was an effort, I had no fight in me, and my chirpy sense of humour had totally deserted me.
Around 11 pm I was admitted to EAU, given more oxygen, more paperwork , and tried to settle in for the night . Trying to sleep propped upright , aware that my breathing was very shallow and during coughing bouts very uncomfortable to get any air.
Steve and I had to make a decision, if for any reason my heart stopped would I want to be resuscitated ? It was explained very gently and sympathetically, if there were clots in the lungs, these could dislodge and block the heart.
They would be required to try and bring me back, irrelevant if I had passed away 5 minutes or an hour previously ... The procedure is quite brutal and often results in brain damage etc.
We decided that no I didn't , and if that was going to happen better I slipped away . Having this knowledge doesn't induce a ' good nights sleep' , I was a little worried about even closing my eyes ....
Fortunately as you can see, I made it through the night..... But not out of the woods yet. The bevy of doctors that have visited me this morning would testify to that. They looked at my abdomen and did an ultrasound . I am currently waiting a Doppler scan on my swollen leg.
Bizarrely hoping that I have a DVT , which would be preferable to a pulmonary embolism , especially in the lungs.
If no DVT then I will have a CT pulmonary angiogram , or at least that was the plan four hours ago, my 'treatment' plan is constantly changing with each new test/discovery.
My oncologist and his right hand lady also rocked up in EAU this morning, just in the nick of time, a nurse had just come in to take bloods. I had offered her my cannula and my port, neither of which she said were any good .... But fortunately the oncology team said , of course they could access the port -a-cath, and get a blood sample . Phew.
Ultra sound ( Doppler ) scan was scheduled for the afternoon, and so late morning I was wheeled up to Oncology. "The chair of Shame" I did feel and looks the part of an old sick woman.
Spent lovely 90 minutes chatting to SC, who just popped over from Cornwall for 24 hours.... Steve was also in and out and Tom came in his lunch hour.
Amazingly the blood were good and the chemo administered without any hiccups .
Suddenly nearing the end of my treatment, there, through the double doors of Oncology appeared a giant sized bed/ trolley, gleaming black with shiny handles. I looked on, mortified, surely I wasn't getting wheeled through the hospital sitting like the Queen in a her carriage ( there obviously was no resemblance ) and yes as it tuned out I was.
As we sailed majestically through the first set of double doors we were met by Jack, who had come to visit. He nearly wet himself laughing , and I couldn't quite reach across and slap him. The porters were a a tad surprised , it's not often they have a 'sick' patient who tries to wallop random strangers in the corridors . Especially ones that are six foot seven.
Doppler ultrasound done, and first impressions looked like there wasn't any evidence of a DVT .....
We then had a meeting at clinical investigations regarding use of oxygen in the home, and needed a tutorial on how it works . I'm not sure which was worse, once again being wheeled along in the chair by a porter, past curious "looking, but not looking " faces, or on the return journey, Steve taking the reins.
He thought he could talk on the phone , and one handed pull the chair backwards, as I swung wildly from side to side , I eventually grabbed the phone and asked him to at least face me in the direction we were supposed to be going.
Well, at least it provided entertainment for the patients waiting for their appointments .
Twenty minutes back on EAU and the the lovely, lovely, DR PS, came in with the ultrasound machine and paraphernalia needed to do a chest drain.
She looked on the scan, and decided the left lung was fuller, and worth removing some liquid.
So with the girls from Hospice, Steve, Dr PS and Nurse we began the procedure. Not going to lie , a little painful sticking a needle in between you ribs, but once the anaesthetic was in , it wasn't too bad.
Bright yellow syringes full of fluid, no hang on , the syringes were for the samples to be sent away for analysis , let's try bags , how big ? Over 1.2 litres of disgusting vibrant yellow liquid fairly pumped out.
Now unfortunately having an allergic reaction to some sticking plasters, I had to have a suture instead to hold it into place, but all seems well.
They've turned the pump off now, they need to drain it slowly as too fast can make you cough and cause breathlessness ....... Oookkkkk.
Talking with oncology team, drain could lead onto infection as my immune system low because of chemo, so I may need antibiotics .... Oh and morphine to help with inflammation , but that causes constipation, so you'd better have laxatives, and do you need a sleeping tablet as well ??? No thank you. That's quite enough to be going on with, not now I'm back on the steroids post chemo .
6pm and I'm mentally and physically exhausted, lots to take in, lots of poking, prodding, multiple conversations, information divulged ,sensitive , family form filling in for hospice has all been part of this day- so looking forward to Tom and Dan bringing in some sushi ....
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
In the last few weeks I seem to have put on 4kg and it's not food..... A much extended stomach ( clothes don't fit ) and a vastly swollen left leg. Very attractive .
Jack was on mum siting duties, and so we had a list, obviously , I like to take full advantage of my children's generous offers of care.
After running errands involving buying petrol, dog food and popping into the garage we ended up at the vet .... With Jessie.
She had been chewing the end of her tail all weekend , and I thought maybe she's got a thorn imbedded, or an infection of some sort.
The vet said that really to get a better look she needed an X-ray , and they would keep her in ... And so we left a very reluctant dog at the vet.
A supermarket sweep, followed, and that was insightful , fair few things put in the trolley that I hadn't planned.
Back home and I was really tired, disappointedly so, everything was an effort and breathing was particularly tough.
After lunch Steve and I had an appointment at the bank, and so we headed into town. The short walk from the car park to the building I had to take really slowly , and struggled to catch my breath. Really not good.
I dropped him off to St Catherine's and drove home, by this time I was truly exhausted , but couldn't understand why I felt so bad.
The vet rang, they'd done the X Ray on Jessie , whilst the tail wasn't broken it was severely damaged. What did I want to to do? Either strap it up as best they could and put her on a course of anti inflammatories, or amputate ?
I couldn't make a decision on wether I wanted a cup of tea or not, let alone if my lovely Jessie needed to lose her greatest asset.
I asked the vet advice, and it was deemed better at the moment to give her a course of antibiotics / anti inflammatory drugs and wrap her tail in a bright blue bandage . If this didn't work, she need amputation .
My daughter in law came home, took one look at me, did my sats, oxygen level really low. Steve called Hospice, they contacted the doctor. Within half an hour he arrived and ran through some tests. He wasn't happy, the swelling in the leg, the fluid in the lungs , struggling to breathe . Hospital .
Off we went, ( an overnight bag packed ) . I knew I wasn't good, extremely tired, weepy, breathless and generally pretty miserable and truth be told scared .
Admitted, cannula fitted, bloods taken, chest scan, ECG , abdomen scan, paperwork, questions , tests etc. All very efficient, but equally so kind and compassionate.
I think it's the worst I've felt .... Ever. I was so low, talking was an effort, I had no fight in me, and my chirpy sense of humour had totally deserted me.
Around 11 pm I was admitted to EAU, given more oxygen, more paperwork , and tried to settle in for the night . Trying to sleep propped upright , aware that my breathing was very shallow and during coughing bouts very uncomfortable to get any air.
Steve and I had to make a decision, if for any reason my heart stopped would I want to be resuscitated ? It was explained very gently and sympathetically, if there were clots in the lungs, these could dislodge and block the heart.
They would be required to try and bring me back, irrelevant if I had passed away 5 minutes or an hour previously ... The procedure is quite brutal and often results in brain damage etc.
We decided that no I didn't , and if that was going to happen better I slipped away . Having this knowledge doesn't induce a ' good nights sleep' , I was a little worried about even closing my eyes ....
Fortunately as you can see, I made it through the night..... But not out of the woods yet. The bevy of doctors that have visited me this morning would testify to that. They looked at my abdomen and did an ultrasound . I am currently waiting a Doppler scan on my swollen leg.
Bizarrely hoping that I have a DVT , which would be preferable to a pulmonary embolism , especially in the lungs.
If no DVT then I will have a CT pulmonary angiogram , or at least that was the plan four hours ago, my 'treatment' plan is constantly changing with each new test/discovery.
My oncologist and his right hand lady also rocked up in EAU this morning, just in the nick of time, a nurse had just come in to take bloods. I had offered her my cannula and my port, neither of which she said were any good .... But fortunately the oncology team said , of course they could access the port -a-cath, and get a blood sample . Phew.
Ultra sound ( Doppler ) scan was scheduled for the afternoon, and so late morning I was wheeled up to Oncology. "The chair of Shame" I did feel and looks the part of an old sick woman.
Spent lovely 90 minutes chatting to SC, who just popped over from Cornwall for 24 hours.... Steve was also in and out and Tom came in his lunch hour.
Amazingly the blood were good and the chemo administered without any hiccups .
Suddenly nearing the end of my treatment, there, through the double doors of Oncology appeared a giant sized bed/ trolley, gleaming black with shiny handles. I looked on, mortified, surely I wasn't getting wheeled through the hospital sitting like the Queen in a her carriage ( there obviously was no resemblance ) and yes as it tuned out I was.
As we sailed majestically through the first set of double doors we were met by Jack, who had come to visit. He nearly wet himself laughing , and I couldn't quite reach across and slap him. The porters were a a tad surprised , it's not often they have a 'sick' patient who tries to wallop random strangers in the corridors . Especially ones that are six foot seven.
Doppler ultrasound done, and first impressions looked like there wasn't any evidence of a DVT .....
We then had a meeting at clinical investigations regarding use of oxygen in the home, and needed a tutorial on how it works . I'm not sure which was worse, once again being wheeled along in the chair by a porter, past curious "looking, but not looking " faces, or on the return journey, Steve taking the reins.
He thought he could talk on the phone , and one handed pull the chair backwards, as I swung wildly from side to side , I eventually grabbed the phone and asked him to at least face me in the direction we were supposed to be going.
Well, at least it provided entertainment for the patients waiting for their appointments .
Twenty minutes back on EAU and the the lovely, lovely, DR PS, came in with the ultrasound machine and paraphernalia needed to do a chest drain.
She looked on the scan, and decided the left lung was fuller, and worth removing some liquid.
So with the girls from Hospice, Steve, Dr PS and Nurse we began the procedure. Not going to lie , a little painful sticking a needle in between you ribs, but once the anaesthetic was in , it wasn't too bad.
Bright yellow syringes full of fluid, no hang on , the syringes were for the samples to be sent away for analysis , let's try bags , how big ? Over 1.2 litres of disgusting vibrant yellow liquid fairly pumped out.
Now unfortunately having an allergic reaction to some sticking plasters, I had to have a suture instead to hold it into place, but all seems well.
They've turned the pump off now, they need to drain it slowly as too fast can make you cough and cause breathlessness ....... Oookkkkk.
Talking with oncology team, drain could lead onto infection as my immune system low because of chemo, so I may need antibiotics .... Oh and morphine to help with inflammation , but that causes constipation, so you'd better have laxatives, and do you need a sleeping tablet as well ??? No thank you. That's quite enough to be going on with, not now I'm back on the steroids post chemo .
6pm and I'm mentally and physically exhausted, lots to take in, lots of poking, prodding, multiple conversations, information divulged ,sensitive , family form filling in for hospice has all been part of this day- so looking forward to Tom and Dan bringing in some sushi ....
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Saturday 9 June 2018
Saturday 9th June
What a difference a month makes...it was May 7th that I went for my routine blood test at the hospital feeling tired and out of sorts, not fully understanding why the bloods seem to register all fine, but I felt pretty low, and 'the cough' had started.
Thinking naively that I had picked up a harsh chest infection of some sort, and that antibiotics would soon rectify the situation. Little did I realise that my CA125 count (cancer marker) that I try not to enquire after, had raced back into the thousands again, and seemingly so quickly.
They (the professionals) think that whilst the little chemo I had December/January/February did the trick whilst I was having it, the cancer cells have become resistant to the platin.
This is why I am now on Taxol, again weekly, and fingers crossed it eases the symptoms ie shrinks the tumours, dries up the fluid/lymph alleviates the coughing spasms , breathing difficulties and enables me to at least go back to being able to walk and talk simultaneously... the shock and suddenness has been overwhelming and has made my life so restrictive so incredibly quickly.
I've just spent the last thirty minutes researching ovarian cancer/ lymphangitis plural effusions, and all the possible procedures/treatments. I now have brain overload, and I only wanted to copy and paste some stuff to make it easier for folks to understand!
That aside, how has this week been, not too bad (although not too good either). The family have been incredibly patient, supportive, witty, and often downright rude, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have managed to do some sllloooowwww dog walks, a half hearted pilates and yoga class, shopped a bit, eaten a bit, rested a lot, and generally coughed a huge amount.
I've gratefully received home made meals, bouquets of flowers, and many kind offers of help with anything I need. Truly humbling and overwhelming.
It was decided on Thursday that Hospice needed to step in and offer up their 'care package', so rather than me seeking out help/assistance with the various hospital departments, I just had the one point of contact that would be available 24/7.
Friday morning Jack came back from work so he could be there when the nurse from Hospice came, it seems as if I'll get weekly home visits. I've had counselling sessions with her before, so a friendly face and a building of trust has started. She has also organised me with some liquid morphine, (of which I had a very small dose last night).
Isn't it supposed to knock you out? 3 am and i was still awake... last day of steroids tomorrow, they, like the morphine are designed to suppress the inflammation in my lungs, ease coughing, let me sleep.....
The Netball girls are organising a "walking netball tournament" next Saturday 16th, all in aid of my charity, which has to be Ovacome. I would have loved to actually take part, but even that is way beyond my capabilities at the present time.
I'm going to finish now, as I feel thats enough news for tonight, and would like to end with some happy pictures.
Dog walks with Tom....
Two little 'flower girls'
St Ouenais family...
Out with GOOD friends Xxx
Thinking naively that I had picked up a harsh chest infection of some sort, and that antibiotics would soon rectify the situation. Little did I realise that my CA125 count (cancer marker) that I try not to enquire after, had raced back into the thousands again, and seemingly so quickly.
They (the professionals) think that whilst the little chemo I had December/January/February did the trick whilst I was having it, the cancer cells have become resistant to the platin.
This is why I am now on Taxol, again weekly, and fingers crossed it eases the symptoms ie shrinks the tumours, dries up the fluid/lymph alleviates the coughing spasms , breathing difficulties and enables me to at least go back to being able to walk and talk simultaneously... the shock and suddenness has been overwhelming and has made my life so restrictive so incredibly quickly.
I've just spent the last thirty minutes researching ovarian cancer/ lymphangitis plural effusions, and all the possible procedures/treatments. I now have brain overload, and I only wanted to copy and paste some stuff to make it easier for folks to understand!
That aside, how has this week been, not too bad (although not too good either). The family have been incredibly patient, supportive, witty, and often downright rude, but I wouldn't have it any other way.
I have managed to do some sllloooowwww dog walks, a half hearted pilates and yoga class, shopped a bit, eaten a bit, rested a lot, and generally coughed a huge amount.
I've gratefully received home made meals, bouquets of flowers, and many kind offers of help with anything I need. Truly humbling and overwhelming.
It was decided on Thursday that Hospice needed to step in and offer up their 'care package', so rather than me seeking out help/assistance with the various hospital departments, I just had the one point of contact that would be available 24/7.
Friday morning Jack came back from work so he could be there when the nurse from Hospice came, it seems as if I'll get weekly home visits. I've had counselling sessions with her before, so a friendly face and a building of trust has started. She has also organised me with some liquid morphine, (of which I had a very small dose last night).
Isn't it supposed to knock you out? 3 am and i was still awake... last day of steroids tomorrow, they, like the morphine are designed to suppress the inflammation in my lungs, ease coughing, let me sleep.....
The Netball girls are organising a "walking netball tournament" next Saturday 16th, all in aid of my charity, which has to be Ovacome. I would have loved to actually take part, but even that is way beyond my capabilities at the present time.
I'm going to finish now, as I feel thats enough news for tonight, and would like to end with some happy pictures.
Dog walks with Tom....
Dog walks with Dan
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