A post from EAU Jersey General Hospital

Yesterday morning I went off to Hospice so the kindly nurse could try and massage some of this lymph fluid in my leg and ease it a bit .

In the last few weeks I seem to have put on 4kg and it's not food..... A much extended stomach ( clothes don't fit ) and a vastly swollen left leg. Very attractive .

Jack was on mum siting duties, and so we had a list, obviously , I like to take full advantage of my children's generous offers of care.

After running errands involving buying petrol, dog food and popping into the garage we ended up at the vet .... With Jessie.

She had been chewing the end of her tail all weekend , and I thought maybe she's got a thorn imbedded, or an infection of some sort.

The vet said that really to get a better look she needed an X-ray , and they would keep her in ... And so we left a very reluctant dog at the vet.

A supermarket sweep, followed, and that was insightful , fair few things put in the trolley that I hadn't planned.

Back home and I was really tired, disappointedly so, everything was an effort and breathing was particularly tough.

After lunch Steve and I had an appointment at the bank, and so we headed into town. The short walk from the car park to the building I had to take really slowly , and struggled to catch my breath. Really not good.

I dropped him off to St Catherine's and drove home, by this time I was truly exhausted , but couldn't understand why I felt so bad.

The vet rang, they'd done the X Ray on Jessie , whilst the tail wasn't broken it was severely damaged. What did I want to to do? Either strap it up as best they could and put her on a course of anti inflammatories, or amputate ?

I couldn't make a decision on wether I wanted a cup of tea or not, let alone if my lovely Jessie needed to lose her greatest asset.

I asked the vet advice, and it was deemed better at the moment to give her a course of antibiotics / anti inflammatory drugs and wrap her tail in a bright blue bandage . If this didn't work, she need amputation .

My daughter in law came home, took one look at me, did my sats, oxygen level really low. Steve called Hospice, they contacted the doctor. Within half an hour he arrived and ran through some tests. He wasn't happy, the swelling in the leg, the fluid in the lungs , struggling to breathe . Hospital .

Off we went, ( an overnight bag packed ) . I knew I wasn't good, extremely tired, weepy, breathless and generally pretty miserable and truth be told scared .

Admitted, cannula fitted, bloods taken, chest scan, ECG , abdomen scan, paperwork, questions , tests etc. All very efficient, but equally so kind and compassionate.

I think it's the worst I've felt .... Ever. I was so low, talking was an effort, I had no fight in me, and my chirpy sense of humour had totally deserted me.

Around 11 pm I was admitted to EAU, given more oxygen, more paperwork , and tried to settle in for the night . Trying to sleep propped upright , aware that my breathing was very shallow and during coughing bouts very uncomfortable to get any air.

Steve and I had to make a decision, if for any reason my heart stopped would I want to be resuscitated ? It was explained very gently and sympathetically, if there were clots in the lungs, these could dislodge and block the heart.

They would be required to try and bring me back, irrelevant if I had passed away 5 minutes or an hour previously ... The procedure is quite brutal and often results in brain damage etc.

We decided that no I didn't , and if that was going to happen better I slipped away . Having this knowledge doesn't induce a ' good nights sleep' , I was a little worried about even closing my eyes ....

Fortunately as you can see, I made it through the night..... But not out of the woods yet. The bevy of doctors that have visited me this morning would testify to that. They looked at my abdomen and did an ultrasound . I am currently waiting a Doppler scan on my swollen leg.

Bizarrely hoping that I have a DVT , which would be preferable to a pulmonary embolism , especially in the lungs.

If no DVT then I will have a CT pulmonary angiogram , or at least that was the plan four hours ago, my 'treatment' plan is constantly changing with each new test/discovery.

My oncologist and his right hand lady also rocked up in EAU this morning, just in the nick of time, a nurse had just come in to take bloods. I had offered her my cannula and my port, neither of which she said were any good .... But fortunately the oncology team said , of course they could access the port -a-cath, and get a blood sample . Phew.

Ultra sound ( Doppler ) scan was scheduled for the afternoon, and so late morning I was wheeled up to Oncology. "The chair of Shame" I did feel and looks the part of an old sick woman.

Spent lovely 90 minutes chatting to SC, who just popped over from Cornwall for 24 hours.... Steve was also in and out and Tom came in his lunch hour.

Amazingly the blood were good and the chemo administered without any hiccups .

Suddenly nearing the end of my treatment, there, through the double doors of Oncology appeared a giant sized bed/ trolley, gleaming black with shiny handles. I looked on, mortified, surely I wasn't getting wheeled through the hospital sitting like the Queen in a her carriage ( there obviously was no resemblance ) and yes as it tuned out I was.

As we sailed majestically through the first set of double doors we were met by Jack, who had come to visit. He nearly wet himself laughing , and I couldn't quite reach across and slap him. The porters were a a tad surprised , it's not often they have a 'sick' patient who tries to wallop random strangers in the corridors . Especially ones that are six foot seven.

Doppler ultrasound done, and first impressions looked like there wasn't any evidence of a DVT .....

We then had a meeting at clinical investigations regarding use of oxygen in the home, and needed a tutorial on how it works . I'm not sure which was worse, once again being wheeled along in the chair by a porter, past curious "looking, but not looking " faces, or on the return journey, Steve taking the reins.

He thought he could talk on the phone , and one handed pull the chair backwards, as I swung wildly from side to side , I eventually grabbed the phone and asked him to at least face me in the direction we were supposed to be going.

Well, at least it provided entertainment for the patients waiting for their appointments .

Twenty minutes back on EAU and the the lovely, lovely, DR PS, came in with the ultrasound machine and paraphernalia needed to do a chest drain.

She looked on the scan, and decided the left lung was fuller, and worth removing some liquid.

So with the girls from Hospice, Steve, Dr PS and Nurse we began the procedure. Not going to lie , a little painful sticking a needle in between you ribs, but once the anaesthetic was in , it wasn't too bad.

Bright yellow syringes full of fluid, no hang on , the syringes were for the samples to be sent away for analysis , let's try bags , how big ? Over 1.2 litres of disgusting vibrant yellow liquid fairly pumped out.

Now unfortunately having an allergic reaction to some sticking plasters, I had to have a suture instead to hold it into place, but all seems well.

They've turned the pump off now, they need to drain it slowly as too fast can make you cough and cause breathlessness ....... Oookkkkk.

Talking with oncology team, drain could lead onto infection as my immune system low because of chemo, so I may need antibiotics .... Oh and morphine to help with inflammation , but that causes constipation, so you'd better have laxatives, and do you need a sleeping tablet as well ??? No thank you. That's quite enough to be going on with, not now I'm back on the steroids post chemo .

6pm and I'm mentally and physically exhausted, lots to take in, lots of poking, prodding, multiple conversations, information divulged ,sensitive , family form filling in for hospice has all been part of this day- so looking forward to Tom and Dan bringing in some sushi ....

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