Looking back...to look forward

Tom posted the other day about his proudest moments. Well, this evening he has made both his parents very proud...I'm sure Jilly will have been looking down, (probably between some keep fit class and a game of tennis). Anyway, along with his partner Tom Hacquoil, my Tom has, this evening, won The Digital Start Up of the Year at the Digital Jersey Tech Awards. "Pinpoint" is something they've dreamt about for years, worked at (really hard), developed themselves, and finally taken to market....and to win this prestigious title in the first year of Jersey Tech Awards is 100% well deserved in my book. Look out for them in the media....they're going places. At long last, some return on those university fees! Seriously though...a proud Dad this evening.

Our reader will notice that I've managed to get photos on this post....as Jill would say, Go Me! Copy, paste, bluetooth on, air drop and all that techy stuff...I think maybe I know where Tom gets his digital skills from (not)!


As we all know, Jilly threw herself into everything, especially in the years since she was diagnosed. Playing sport was her way of forgetting about the bloody disease...those rare short moments when you suddenly realise you haven't thought about cancer for while. Of course, those moments are followed by finding yourself being snapped back into reality...and your thoughts return to having to "just get on and cope". It's strange but in the last few days I've had exactly those feelings myself. I'm trying to get back into work mode, and Brexit needs some real concentration and thought. Only today I was suddenly aware as I drove home from meetings that I hadn't thought about Jill, and her passing, for a couple of hours. I had had a morning feeling a little more upbeat about doing something useful and normal...and then BAM....it hits you. Things have been feeling a little empty of late...work was (and is) helping...and I know it will get better. KBO as she would say.


Our reader will remember the tennis ball in the tree at Le Saie. Both Tom and I have posted about it. Well, here is a photo so our reader can visualise the scene better. Can you "spot the ball"? For those of you with less good eyesight, it's just on top of the branch about a third of the way along from the left, hiding in the ivy.

Well, today the ball had gone!  Jessie was less than impressed. Maybe it's because this blog is now so (in)famous that everyone has been down at Le Saie hunting for said ball. A new one will be taken down soon...and hidden better!



I don't want to appear morbid, or "strange", but there are a couple of photos that I want share....and now that I've worked out how to load pictures there's no stopping me now. The first picture is the one from Hospice that made me cry so much. The photo I took of Jill and me holding hands. We must have held hands in this way for very very many hours in those last few days. I thought it was great photo...but by the time I took this picture Jill was asleep, and no longer "with us" enough to talk. It was the reality that I would never be able to show it to her that was hard to cope with. Sharing things was something that we did a lot....and I know she would have really liked this...so here it is...it doesn't need words.

The other "sad" photo is the wreath that we put on Jill's coffin. At first glance it may not appear quite as impressive as some you might normally see. No flamboyant colours...no huge blooms...no elaborate structure covering the whole coffin. However, when I tell you that it's made up of flowers that I personally picked from our garden, and that Bex took those flowers to (with a little help) put this wreath together, you will know that it meant more to us than anything. Jill was passionate about her garden, and so was I....we shared the work and the enjoyment. She would have been over the moon about this...again, it was heartbreaking for us to accept that she wasn't there to "enjoy the moment"...but we know she would have approved.

The final photo this evening is one of Jilly and me at Amy's slip. It needs no explanation. It was taken on 23rd. June. Less than 4 months ago.

Tomorrow I'm getting up very early and going to France...Granville to be exact. It's an important Brexit meeting to talk about fishing exports...lobsters, crabs and oysters. Maintaining this export market is vital to the industry, and I'm going to need to concentrate hard. My French isn't as fluent as it was, and getting even single words wrong can have serious consequences. There are some very important people to meet, and I'll be pretty tired by the time I get back tomorrow evening. It's good that I'll have lots to think about .... tomorrow would have been our 33rd. wedding anniversary. While I'll do my best, there's no doubt I may have some "tough moments" during the day.


My final thought for this evening is that, while so so many people have such great memories of Jill, I have more than everybody. Over those 33 plus years....probably 36 actually if you count those heady pre-wedding times (!!)....over all those years, Jilly and I shared so many good times. We shared those good times right up to the end...and even in the last 6 months (post that tough decision NOT to continue with chemotherapy) we found time for some wonderful moments...the photo above is proof of that. For ALL those memories I will always be grateful.