March 17th .... 2017

Five years ago this month I was over in the UK having surgery- I was fearing the worst, and sure enough my fears were confirmed, it was a cancerous tumour.

I had high hopes that I wasnt going to be a statistic, that I could be in those few percent that BEAT this disease, despite being a late stage 3.

The recurrence some 18 months later  was therefore a massive blow, and I quickly realised that I was in for the long haul. Another big operation, not entirely successful and with complications, followed with more chemo.

Last year radiotherapy for five weeks, and so far this has worked extremely well, but such is the nature of this beast and its ability to move onto other areas of the body, it seems to have travelled up to my neck.

We do not know anything for sure.

I had a blood test Thursday, and I am due to see KG on Tuesday, I also have an appointment next Friday 24th March for an ultrasound ( on my neck) . Not as invasive as a CT scan, and whilst it won't tell us if it's 'diseased', we will measure it and plot its growth rate.

Coming out of the hospital in town I met a lady whose face I vaguely recognised, she knew who I was as I had visited her in the Marsden in 2014, she was having an operation and although I was on a different floor, I had heard of another Jersey patient and thought Id pop in and say hello.

She had just started another round of chemo, her third I think, and its the taxol, the stuff that makes your hair fall out, we talked briefly about that, she said "my hair or my life?" its a no brainer really.

I left her and felt angry, not angry with her of course, angry with this disease, and this was compounded by the fact that yet another lovely, lovely young (41) lady and mum to two small children passed away in Hospice last week.

She too attended the Cancer Support group and we had shared stuff, and had a few laughs and tears and hugs on the way. My heart goes out to her husband (who I've played badminton with) and their children, coming up to Mothering Sunday  it is unbelievably sad.

I really want to type I HATE THIS DISEASE, and end the blog post ... but I was given some lovely cards this week, and I want to share them with you instead.

Sometimes life is hard
crazy, messy, mixed-up.
and there you are,
in the middle of it all,
just doing your thing....
being STRONG and BRAVE
and BEAUTIFUL
like its no big deal.

But it is a big deal-
while you wonder sometimes
if you're doing ok,
the rest of us are just
watching you 
in wonder.


Enjoy Yourself

What I like best in the whole world
is me and Piglet going to see You,
and You saying "what about a little something?"
and Me saying, "Well I shouldn't mind a little
something, should you Piglet," and it being a hummy
sort of day outside, and birds singing.