The Warmth of the Sun

We've taken it in turn for much of the last couple of days to sit with Jilly 24/7. Earlier this evening we rotated between munching through some wonderful shepherd's pies and "sitting bedside" and, after I'd eaten, I went out into the garden. Yes, I'm still smoking, and yes, I'm not supposed to be smoking in the gardens (there are signs everywhere....please don't tell anyone) but it was twilight....and surely rules only apply during daylight hours? Anyway, as I sat looking out over the bay at yet another wonderful sunset I, unsurprisingly, became fairly emotional. It wasn't just the stars (or me) that were "lighting up" but the many navigational marks that come alight after dark to aid mariners around our shores. Noirmont Point, Les Fours, the Diamond, the Raudiere Bouy..... all flashing their individual messages....and there on the horizon, the brightest of them all, the lighthouse on Cap Frehal on the north Brittany coast. The visibility is fantastic at the moment, and lights that far away are often not seen at all.

Those who have, what are described as, "near death experiences" all say that they felt drawn to lights in the distance....and a feeling of warmth and security....and no fear. I know that Jilly has lost the sense of fear that we both felt when she was first diagnosed because we've discussed it. I can only hope with my whole being, with everything that I have, that she too feels warm and secure, and drawn to some guiding light, when she starts her next journey. At the moment she's still occasionally giving us little signs that she's still listening....but more of that later. 

Which leads me, not very conveniently, to male singer/songwriters. I know I've been threatening to start this theme, this thread, for weeks....and tonight might seem inappropriate....but bear with me please.

After not much deliberation I've decided to tell you all that my songwriting hero is Brian Wilson....the genius behind the Beach Boys. I've "studied' his work for decades and have worn out both LPs, cassettes and most recently, CDs. The album "Pet Sounds" is still probably my favourite LP of all time. Yes there's Dark Side (Floyd), Yellow Brick Road and Songs From the West Coast (Elton), Songs in the Key of Life (Stevie), Selling England by the Pound (Genesis) and Quadrophenia (Who), but Pet Sounds is my stand out album.

One other Beach Boys track that always resonated with me wasn't on the Pet Sounds album. The Warmth of the Sun was written hours before the assassination of President John F Kennedy, but was really written about "loss". I think I was always drawn to the harmonies in this song (as with so many other BB hits) because Brian Wilson genuinely was a genius with music. However, it was often (as in this case) the group's lead singer Mike Love who wrote many of the lyrics. This is what ML wrote about his lyrics of this wonderful song, and the loss of JFK. Yes, it's a haunting song in many ways, but it's also wonderfully inspiring.         

May “The Warmth of the Sun” soothe the hearts of all us as we remember the loss of a husband, a father, a leader, and an American icon whose light burns on, and whose legacy continues to inspire new generations. In this world of ours, change and loss are inevitable, but thankfully, through it all, there is, and always will be, love... like the warmth of the sun.

I hope that our reader will now see why I've picked out this particular Beach Boys track this evening. It's not difficult to change a few words so that I can use "The Warmth of the Sun" to remind me of Jilly once she's no longer with us.

I'll finish this shortish blogpost with a few indications of just how much Jilly is still with us, even though she does a pretty good impression of being totally asleep. Stephe came in earlier and sat down next to Jill's bed. As we all do, she picked up Jill's hand. Jill, her eyes still closed, immediately started muttering very quietly. "It's you Stephe....your hands are always so cold...how does Jack allow you into bed?" The second happened late this afternoon when Jill was asked by the nurse if she "had any pain". I don't think the nurse was expecting any response, and was genuinely surprised when Jill lifted her hand and pointed around the room at us all! The third story happened when one of the nurses popped in to say he was "off now" and he'd see Jill tomorrow morning. To everyone's amazement Jill's hand appeared from under the covers and a big "thumbs up" was given. 

The final story is a result of yet more admissions from our (maybe not so) wonderful children. In recounting, over the last few days, funny things that happened during their childhood, it's become apparent that Jill and I weren't always told everything. On one occasion the boys were tearing around one of our fields on motor bikes, annoying the cows. A neighbour came out and told them off in no uncertain fashion. It's not clear if the neighbour realised the connection between me and the kids (??) but, when the children got home they realised there was a message on the answerphone from said neighbour complaining about "some children", and suggesting the I take the matter "in hand".....literally I suppose. Anyway, seeing that Jill and I were out of the house, and they were alone, the boys decided to do the only thing they could.....delete the message! No wonder I had no idea what they were talking about until the end of the story.

Before I accidentally delete these latest ramblings I'm going to "publish"....more later I suspect. Jilly is still asleep beside me, and all is peaceful.