Tuesday 14th August
My head is a jumble; I have no idea how to make this blog
into a reasonably sensible piece of writing.
I’ll start at the beginning of the day when I was enjoying a
dog walk with my friend (SC) and catching up with news when I received a call
from the oncology unit at the General.
The gist of the call was about a letter that had been sent
from the Marsden to say that my chemotherapy should be continued, but instead
of a 3 week cycle I should have it on a weekly basis, 3 times and then a week ‘rest’
and then repeat it- ensuring that I get my full amount of chemo- I guess. I only
had four out of the six cycles that I was due, and up until today was under the
impression that possibly I was at saturation point, and providing the CT scan
was clear and a blood test ok, I would stop.
However, I am now booked in for chemo tomorrow at 11am, it
will still probably take 3-4 hours, and I assume that I will receive a
third of the full amount. As I said this information was in a phone call this
morning, and during the call it was decided that I wouldn’t need the CT scan, which
is now postponed until the end of my treatment (in October at this rate!)
I realise I am supposed to be an adult, but I felt like a child,
not able to have her own way, so disbelief, quickly followed by anger (Had
there been a door around I would have slammed it!) and subsequently finished up
in tears!! (not on the phone I hasten to add, as the day progressed!)
Obviously I want the best possible treatment available,
and they want to give me a fighting chance of beating this horrible
disease, I understand that, but it’s all come as a bit of a shock.
For Instance my hair is growing back, I feel really well at
the moment, I have more energy, I am making plans, playing sport again and- our
puppy arrives on Sunday!!!!! And I KNOW what having chemo actually entails and
I don’t really LIKE it much!!!
If children have the ability to ignore all odds and
percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about
it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options,
medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell. ~Lance
Armstrong
Gosh Jill, very confusing for you especially after what you blogged last week, but if anyone knows what you need to fight this, it's the Royal Marsden, and as you say, it's all to give you the best possible chance. I'm hoping that with the smaller doses more often the side effects won't be so drastic and debilitating for you. Thinking of you.xxxx
ReplyDeleteSo that is why it is raining today - so that you are not feeling sad about missing a walk/cycle in the sun today. Seeing your quote today from Lance Armstrong I wondered if you had read his book Not about the bike, it is quite a good read. If not let me know and I'll fish it out. All the best.
ReplyDeleteOh how frustrating for you!!! As Jane says, hopefully as the chemo is in smaller doses you will have fewer side effects. Still a blow for you! Keep strong. Love & hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx
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